Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Opposites Attract???????
Random thought popped into my head and I decided to write it out.
Do opposites really attract? And if they do, are those the relationship that last? Why or why not?
My opinion......
I feel that to a certain extent opposites do indeed attract. That whole "you are everything I am not" concept can hold very true. But I feel you have to look further into it. Let me give you an example. I am a passive indecisive person. Therefore I am attracted to assertive men. Two indecisive people won't get far. Sitting on the couch every day shrugging your shoulders, trying to figure out what movie to watch can actually DESTROY a relationship. But if one person can step up and make suggestions and the other can go-with-the-flow, it's almost a perfect symbiotic connection.
On the flip side, sometimes opposition is no bueno. Another example; I am a very odd woman. I have an extremely diverse background. I grew up in the hood and in the suburbs, so my likes and dislikes are on a very wide spectrum. If I date a hood boy, at some point our interaction will be limited. We can listen to Young Money and Jay-Z for a while and enjoy it together, but when I turn on my Maroon 5 or Duffy, he's going to shy away. That is a very small example, but apply that across the board and understand where I'm coming from. I would need someone with similar interests or at least someone who could truly understand my eclectic taste in life.
I guess it's not really about opposites or similarities, but more so about supplemental personalities. If someone's positives fill your negatives, you laugh at the same movies, complain about the same bs in life, and share at least 60% of your playlists......you might have something good going. But then again this is only MY opinion. And my opinion is only derived form what I experience and see. Maybe there are folks out there with the exact same personality type who grew up in total opposition to each other that are so madly in love that you can throw everything I just said out the window. :-) That's the beauty of the world.
Do opposites really attract? And if they do, are those the relationship that last? Why or why not?
My opinion......
I feel that to a certain extent opposites do indeed attract. That whole "you are everything I am not" concept can hold very true. But I feel you have to look further into it. Let me give you an example. I am a passive indecisive person. Therefore I am attracted to assertive men. Two indecisive people won't get far. Sitting on the couch every day shrugging your shoulders, trying to figure out what movie to watch can actually DESTROY a relationship. But if one person can step up and make suggestions and the other can go-with-the-flow, it's almost a perfect symbiotic connection.
On the flip side, sometimes opposition is no bueno. Another example; I am a very odd woman. I have an extremely diverse background. I grew up in the hood and in the suburbs, so my likes and dislikes are on a very wide spectrum. If I date a hood boy, at some point our interaction will be limited. We can listen to Young Money and Jay-Z for a while and enjoy it together, but when I turn on my Maroon 5 or Duffy, he's going to shy away. That is a very small example, but apply that across the board and understand where I'm coming from. I would need someone with similar interests or at least someone who could truly understand my eclectic taste in life.
I guess it's not really about opposites or similarities, but more so about supplemental personalities. If someone's positives fill your negatives, you laugh at the same movies, complain about the same bs in life, and share at least 60% of your playlists......you might have something good going. But then again this is only MY opinion. And my opinion is only derived form what I experience and see. Maybe there are folks out there with the exact same personality type who grew up in total opposition to each other that are so madly in love that you can throw everything I just said out the window. :-) That's the beauty of the world.
Epiphany
Bare with me, I'm having a "Sharde" moment. :-/
So I was watching a bunch of sappy BS tonight and I came to an odd realization about myself. I don't cry during the sad heartbreaking moments. I do however, cry during the displays of undying true love.
Take this for an example. I was watching the last episode of The Game (aka every woman's favorite show) I was completely unmoved when Jason left Kelly dumbfounded and walked off with another woman by his side. But when Derwin and Melanie finally exchanged wedding vows, I sobbed like a baby.
As I reached for a tissue to dry my eyes and blow my nose I evaluated my abnormal reaction. I didn't cry over heartbreak, no biggie some people don't cry over TV/movies at all. But me, I cry every time I watch Armageddon and yet I had absolutely no emotional reaction to a woman being left by her husband. And I've noticed that I've kind of become immune to heart ache. I hear terrible stories about people getting cheated on or couples getting divorced and I just shrug my shoulders as if to say "C'est la vie!" I just expect things to go wrong because of what I see in my life and almost everybody around me.
And the boo hoo tears over wedding vows. Now that wouldn't be such a big deal if they were tears of joy stemmed from the beauty of love and blah blah blah. But I was actually sad...like really sad. I guess I'm coming to realize that true love is such a foreign concept to this crazy little "world of sharde."
I've never experienced true love. Sure I've loved a man or two, truly. But the love was never reciprocated. And yes I believe that one man truly loved me before, but in that case I was the one who didn't return the love.
So here I am. A 24 year old emotional mess who cries at all the wrong things and is desperately wondering if I'll ever find true love. I fear I'll just end up in another heart break scenario simply because that's all I'm used to. Well ho hum. I just had to vent write it out. Call it an overshare if you want, but that's how I roll. And when I write maybe someone out there is feeling the same way as me. :-)
Thanks for spending another random night in my bizarre little head. Good night folks.
So I was watching a bunch of sappy BS tonight and I came to an odd realization about myself. I don't cry during the sad heartbreaking moments. I do however, cry during the displays of undying true love.
Take this for an example. I was watching the last episode of The Game (aka every woman's favorite show) I was completely unmoved when Jason left Kelly dumbfounded and walked off with another woman by his side. But when Derwin and Melanie finally exchanged wedding vows, I sobbed like a baby.
As I reached for a tissue to dry my eyes and blow my nose I evaluated my abnormal reaction. I didn't cry over heartbreak, no biggie some people don't cry over TV/movies at all. But me, I cry every time I watch Armageddon and yet I had absolutely no emotional reaction to a woman being left by her husband. And I've noticed that I've kind of become immune to heart ache. I hear terrible stories about people getting cheated on or couples getting divorced and I just shrug my shoulders as if to say "C'est la vie!" I just expect things to go wrong because of what I see in my life and almost everybody around me.
And the boo hoo tears over wedding vows. Now that wouldn't be such a big deal if they were tears of joy stemmed from the beauty of love and blah blah blah. But I was actually sad...like really sad. I guess I'm coming to realize that true love is such a foreign concept to this crazy little "world of sharde."
I've never experienced true love. Sure I've loved a man or two, truly. But the love was never reciprocated. And yes I believe that one man truly loved me before, but in that case I was the one who didn't return the love.
So here I am. A 24 year old emotional mess who cries at all the wrong things and is desperately wondering if I'll ever find true love. I fear I'll just end up in another heart break scenario simply because that's all I'm used to. Well ho hum. I just had to vent write it out. Call it an overshare if you want, but that's how I roll. And when I write maybe someone out there is feeling the same way as me. :-)
Thanks for spending another random night in my bizarre little head. Good night folks.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
How to spot a playa
Sometimes it's hard for us to tell when some thing's wrong in a relationship. Everyone's red flag detector is not always fine tuned. Sometimes love and infatuation block the signal. I, unfortunately, have too much experience with red flags. Finding out my man is cheating, finding out the guy I'm seeing already has a girl/wife. So I thought I'd share my "expertise" with others. So here are some classic red flags that should send you running.
1. Vibrating phone. Every time you two are together, his phone is on vibrate. Beware, don't think it's because he doesn't want anything to interrupt what you're doing. He just doesn't want you to hear his ring tone or pay attention to how many times the phone actually goes off.
2. Camera shy. Do you have any pictures with your man? Actual pictures that he posed for and fully exposed his face. The candid, caught off guard flicks don't count. neither do the ones with his hood/hat covering half his face. He's not shy, he just doesn't want the pic to end up on Facebook where people can see it.
3. Designated meet/talk time. Ok now, if you guys talk on the phone at specific times of the day. He calls you every day on his lunch break or on his drive home and always gets too tired once he gets home. Or he only comes over after 10pm or maybe noon. Don't be fooled to think that day visits mean he's true. That just might be when his girlfriend/wife is at work. Trust me with this one. Try this if you don't believe me. Ask him to call or come over outside of the usually meet/talk time....listen for that hesitation and slight panic in his voice. Sure he'll come up with a very reasonable excuse, but he'll freak out for 2.5 seconds.
4. Illusive left hand. Crazy as it sound check it out. Is his left hand always in hi pocket, in his lap, or under his right hand? Please check to see if a tan line or an indentation is on that ring finger. I caught one guy as he was signing the check for dinner (he was left handed) He had a vicious tan line. SMH
5. Anti-social. You know the type that just never wants to go to social gatherings. Won't even go to the club to celebrate your recent promotion. Hesitates to go out for your sister's b-day even though he knows her well. There are actually some people who don't go out much, but if you can NEVER get him out the house, you gotta think he's hiding something.
6. Absolutely no P.D.A. You're walking down the street, you reach for his hand, he snatches it away. Or you give him a hug and he returns it with a "church hug" and quickly looks around to see who saw that. You better believe you're not the only one. I'm not saying a man should love to have you hanging all over him all the time, but if you can't even get a hug in public....RED FLAG
7. Surprise relatives. So you've known the guy for a while, you're in the middle of a good convo....all of a sudden he hops off the phone because his cousin Pookie is calling. You've never heard of Pookie. Or you he cancels your plans because Aunt Tami is coming to town this weekend. You thought his mom was an only child. Maybe he doesn't want to talk because his Grandma died (even though you thought she died when he was 12.) If it doesn't add up...it doesn't add up. Simple
8. Never-ending story changes. This one is easy. When you met he was a grad student with a 6 year old daughter. 6 months later you find out he doesn't even have a GED and just had a son with his ex wife. 3 months after that you find out the divorce won't be final for 2 more months. This has happened to me before...I swear to you men are trifling...lol
I wish I had two more to make it an even ten, but if you can nod your head to even two on the list, you need to run screaming. And even if I didn't add it to the list...anything that leaves you with a "What the fuck!" look on your face or makes your heart get caught in your throat....that should send you packing. like I said in my last blog, we ignore red flags way too much. They aren't just potential problems. That's God's way of getting to us and begging us to leave. Avoid heart ache people!!!
Disclaimer: I say "he" and "his" because I am a woman and I deal with men. However, the same thing applies to women. We are just as sneaky and trifling and to make it worse, we're better at hiding it. Sorry fellas.
1. Vibrating phone. Every time you two are together, his phone is on vibrate. Beware, don't think it's because he doesn't want anything to interrupt what you're doing. He just doesn't want you to hear his ring tone or pay attention to how many times the phone actually goes off.
2. Camera shy. Do you have any pictures with your man? Actual pictures that he posed for and fully exposed his face. The candid, caught off guard flicks don't count. neither do the ones with his hood/hat covering half his face. He's not shy, he just doesn't want the pic to end up on Facebook where people can see it.
3. Designated meet/talk time. Ok now, if you guys talk on the phone at specific times of the day. He calls you every day on his lunch break or on his drive home and always gets too tired once he gets home. Or he only comes over after 10pm or maybe noon. Don't be fooled to think that day visits mean he's true. That just might be when his girlfriend/wife is at work. Trust me with this one. Try this if you don't believe me. Ask him to call or come over outside of the usually meet/talk time....listen for that hesitation and slight panic in his voice. Sure he'll come up with a very reasonable excuse, but he'll freak out for 2.5 seconds.
4. Illusive left hand. Crazy as it sound check it out. Is his left hand always in hi pocket, in his lap, or under his right hand? Please check to see if a tan line or an indentation is on that ring finger. I caught one guy as he was signing the check for dinner (he was left handed) He had a vicious tan line. SMH
5. Anti-social. You know the type that just never wants to go to social gatherings. Won't even go to the club to celebrate your recent promotion. Hesitates to go out for your sister's b-day even though he knows her well. There are actually some people who don't go out much, but if you can NEVER get him out the house, you gotta think he's hiding something.
6. Absolutely no P.D.A. You're walking down the street, you reach for his hand, he snatches it away. Or you give him a hug and he returns it with a "church hug" and quickly looks around to see who saw that. You better believe you're not the only one. I'm not saying a man should love to have you hanging all over him all the time, but if you can't even get a hug in public....RED FLAG
7. Surprise relatives. So you've known the guy for a while, you're in the middle of a good convo....all of a sudden he hops off the phone because his cousin Pookie is calling. You've never heard of Pookie. Or you he cancels your plans because Aunt Tami is coming to town this weekend. You thought his mom was an only child. Maybe he doesn't want to talk because his Grandma died (even though you thought she died when he was 12.) If it doesn't add up...it doesn't add up. Simple
8. Never-ending story changes. This one is easy. When you met he was a grad student with a 6 year old daughter. 6 months later you find out he doesn't even have a GED and just had a son with his ex wife. 3 months after that you find out the divorce won't be final for 2 more months. This has happened to me before...I swear to you men are trifling...lol
I wish I had two more to make it an even ten, but if you can nod your head to even two on the list, you need to run screaming. And even if I didn't add it to the list...anything that leaves you with a "What the fuck!" look on your face or makes your heart get caught in your throat....that should send you packing. like I said in my last blog, we ignore red flags way too much. They aren't just potential problems. That's God's way of getting to us and begging us to leave. Avoid heart ache people!!!
Disclaimer: I say "he" and "his" because I am a woman and I deal with men. However, the same thing applies to women. We are just as sneaky and trifling and to make it worse, we're better at hiding it. Sorry fellas.
Monday, February 8, 2010
True Colors
When a man shows you their true colors you must take them at face value. there is no hidden explanation. "Maybe he's just scared" or "He's just trying to drive me away because he's hurt." Blah blah blah. Stop making excuses for trifling men. If he's unfaithful...he's unfaithful. Nothing more too it. If he hits you....he's going to hit you. If he's a lying...he's going to lie.
We spend so much time trying to rationalize and hold on to the men in our lives that we get ourselves stuck in painful situations. And then when they deliver the final most painful blow, we get all hurt and upset and "he's a dog" and "I can't believe he did that." Snap out of it ladies. You already knew this. He showed you and you chose to ignore it.
This Sanford chick. Married the politician, and he changed the vows. She knew about it. He didn't want the whole fidelity part to be in the vows. She valued his honesty. Hahahahahaha. You dumb bitch! He told you from jump that he didn't want to be faithful. Yeah honesty is important, but fidelity might be important too. And then he lets the whole world know that he cheated on her dumb ass and now she's mad. You idiot, you gave him permission to see his mistress. Women like you make me vomit.
Mommas always tell us that if we see a red flag we need to take note. But sometime men not only flash a red flag, they show us the cum stains on the damn flag. Let's be smart ladies. If we have the chance to not be hurt, don't be hurt. DUH.
We spend so much time trying to rationalize and hold on to the men in our lives that we get ourselves stuck in painful situations. And then when they deliver the final most painful blow, we get all hurt and upset and "he's a dog" and "I can't believe he did that." Snap out of it ladies. You already knew this. He showed you and you chose to ignore it.
This Sanford chick. Married the politician, and he changed the vows. She knew about it. He didn't want the whole fidelity part to be in the vows. She valued his honesty. Hahahahahaha. You dumb bitch! He told you from jump that he didn't want to be faithful. Yeah honesty is important, but fidelity might be important too. And then he lets the whole world know that he cheated on her dumb ass and now she's mad. You idiot, you gave him permission to see his mistress. Women like you make me vomit.
Mommas always tell us that if we see a red flag we need to take note. But sometime men not only flash a red flag, they show us the cum stains on the damn flag. Let's be smart ladies. If we have the chance to not be hurt, don't be hurt. DUH.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Infatuation
When you meet someone and you have that automatic chemistry it's sometimes hard to define the way you feel. Do you like the person, are you falling in love, is it more of a friendship vibe or leaning towards romance? And then where do you go from there? Once you figure out how you feel about a person how do you harness those feelings and make room for growth?
It's a shitty little place to be in. Relationship limbo as I call it. Weighing risks and feelings, pros and cons, lust and emotions. It's all bad. And if you just let go and be yourself, maybe you give off too much or not enough. It's enough to make you scream at times.
So what should I do? Let go and just live in the moment. Tell the person exactly how I feel. Hold back until I feel safe and know how they feel as well. Then there's the trust issues. Do I believe what he says or what I hear from everyone else? And am I feeling this way for real or because I feel like my family is pressuring me to fall for the guy. It's all so crazy. And I know you're reading this so don't get a big head. This is just what's on my mind and I write to sort out my thoughts...lol.
I think I'm going to step back and just let things happen. I like how things are right now and I don't want to think too hard and confuse myself. There are things I want that aren't happening, but I have to let things progress at their own pace. This is truly a challenge for me because for the first time I want to do things the right way. Make room for genuineness and the Lord. With those things as a foundation you can't go wrong and can't be upset with the outcome whatever it may be because it's all for a reason and even if you don't understand what it is now, you'll learn and grow eventually.
It's a shitty little place to be in. Relationship limbo as I call it. Weighing risks and feelings, pros and cons, lust and emotions. It's all bad. And if you just let go and be yourself, maybe you give off too much or not enough. It's enough to make you scream at times.
So what should I do? Let go and just live in the moment. Tell the person exactly how I feel. Hold back until I feel safe and know how they feel as well. Then there's the trust issues. Do I believe what he says or what I hear from everyone else? And am I feeling this way for real or because I feel like my family is pressuring me to fall for the guy. It's all so crazy. And I know you're reading this so don't get a big head. This is just what's on my mind and I write to sort out my thoughts...lol.
I think I'm going to step back and just let things happen. I like how things are right now and I don't want to think too hard and confuse myself. There are things I want that aren't happening, but I have to let things progress at their own pace. This is truly a challenge for me because for the first time I want to do things the right way. Make room for genuineness and the Lord. With those things as a foundation you can't go wrong and can't be upset with the outcome whatever it may be because it's all for a reason and even if you don't understand what it is now, you'll learn and grow eventually.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Life As I Know It
A year ago I did not think that my life would be how it is now. So many plans have changed. So much has happened. This time last year I had just started dating someone and I thought things would have progressed and they didn't. I thought I would be going back to school and I would've had three more terms completed and that didn't happen either. I didn't plan on working a minimum wage job, but of course that is the case now.
I've had many ups and many more downs in the past year and it threw all of my goals off. My career path has changed more than once, but I think I have finally made up my mind. I attempted to go back to school more than once and I will finally start next term., Even though I was discouraged the entire time, It was for the better because I had a lot to think about and I like the conclusion I came to in the end.
I toyed with the idea of going into marketing and promotions. At one point I decided that I absolutely didn't want to become a teacher. I thought about not finishing school at all. Someone even convinced me to try out photography and I changed my mind about that as well. So now my final decision is this; I want to go into journalism, continue to take education classes, try to write for some sort of publication, and fall back on teaching if that doesn't work out.
My financial situation is better than it has been, but it still isn't what I wanted. I wanted a full time job earning more than $9/hr, but here I am getting minimum wage, working less than 20 hours a week. I took the job because I honestly do not want to be doing something I don't enjoy. I have tons of experience in office and clerical work, but I wouldn't want to sit at a desk all day long. So I'm going to continue working with kids even though it doesn't yield a decent pay check. It's actually a better decision for me because I can work in the afternoons and take classes in the mornings. Plus my financial aid can add to my income.
As far as my love life is concerned, well that's still pretty whack. I've only met a few decent guys over the past year and there's always some reason it doesn't work out. One guy was sexy, caring, and intellectual, but he still lived with his daughter's mother. Another guy was sweet, charming, and funny but he lived in another state. There was the smart and spiritual one that was too short and the older ambitious one that wasn't looking for a serious thing. And now I have this one guy. He knows how to make me laugh, knows how to hold me just right, his kisses put me on cloud nine. He's smart, well-traveled, spiritual, cares for his family. He's tall and sexy. Has just about everything a woman could ask for in a man. But his life is complicated and apparently I don't fit in there well. Quel dommage, c'est la vie.
So now what? I guess I'm just rolling with the punches. I"m taking all that I'm given and making the best out of it. We can't really plan our lives and expect to get all that we want. Instead we must pray, make the best decisions for ourselves, and trust that God will give us everything we need. When things don't end up the way we want them, just be thankful for what we have and make the best of it.
I've had many ups and many more downs in the past year and it threw all of my goals off. My career path has changed more than once, but I think I have finally made up my mind. I attempted to go back to school more than once and I will finally start next term., Even though I was discouraged the entire time, It was for the better because I had a lot to think about and I like the conclusion I came to in the end.
I toyed with the idea of going into marketing and promotions. At one point I decided that I absolutely didn't want to become a teacher. I thought about not finishing school at all. Someone even convinced me to try out photography and I changed my mind about that as well. So now my final decision is this; I want to go into journalism, continue to take education classes, try to write for some sort of publication, and fall back on teaching if that doesn't work out.
My financial situation is better than it has been, but it still isn't what I wanted. I wanted a full time job earning more than $9/hr, but here I am getting minimum wage, working less than 20 hours a week. I took the job because I honestly do not want to be doing something I don't enjoy. I have tons of experience in office and clerical work, but I wouldn't want to sit at a desk all day long. So I'm going to continue working with kids even though it doesn't yield a decent pay check. It's actually a better decision for me because I can work in the afternoons and take classes in the mornings. Plus my financial aid can add to my income.
As far as my love life is concerned, well that's still pretty whack. I've only met a few decent guys over the past year and there's always some reason it doesn't work out. One guy was sexy, caring, and intellectual, but he still lived with his daughter's mother. Another guy was sweet, charming, and funny but he lived in another state. There was the smart and spiritual one that was too short and the older ambitious one that wasn't looking for a serious thing. And now I have this one guy. He knows how to make me laugh, knows how to hold me just right, his kisses put me on cloud nine. He's smart, well-traveled, spiritual, cares for his family. He's tall and sexy. Has just about everything a woman could ask for in a man. But his life is complicated and apparently I don't fit in there well. Quel dommage, c'est la vie.
So now what? I guess I'm just rolling with the punches. I"m taking all that I'm given and making the best out of it. We can't really plan our lives and expect to get all that we want. Instead we must pray, make the best decisions for ourselves, and trust that God will give us everything we need. When things don't end up the way we want them, just be thankful for what we have and make the best of it.
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