How to spot a playa

Sometimes it's hard for us to tell when some thing's wrong in a relationship. Everyone's red flag detector is not always fine tuned. Sometimes love and infatuation block the signal. I, unfortunately, have too much experience with red flags. Finding out my man is cheating, finding out the guy I'm seeing already has a girl/wife. So I thought I'd share my "expertise" with others. So here are some classic red flags that should send you running.

1. Vibrating phone. Every time you two are together, his phone is on vibrate. Beware, don't think it's because he doesn't want anything to interrupt what you're doing. He just doesn't want you to hear his ring tone or pay attention to how many times the phone actually goes off.

2. Camera shy. Do you have any pictures with your man? Actual pictures that he posed for and fully exposed his face. The candid, caught off guard flicks don't count. neither do the ones with his hood/hat covering half his face. He's not shy, he just doesn't want the pic to end up on Facebook where people can see it.

3. Designated meet/talk time. Ok now, if you guys talk on the phone at specific times of the day. He calls you every day on his lunch break or on his drive home and always gets too tired once he gets home. Or he only comes over after 10pm or maybe noon. Don't be fooled to think that day visits mean he's true. That just might be when his girlfriend/wife is at work. Trust me with this one. Try this if you don't believe me. Ask him to call or come over outside of the usually meet/talk time....listen for that hesitation and slight panic in his voice. Sure he'll come up with a very reasonable excuse, but he'll freak out for 2.5 seconds.

4. Illusive left hand. Crazy as it sound check it out. Is his left hand always in hi pocket, in his lap, or under his right hand? Please check to see if a tan line or an indentation is on that ring finger. I caught one guy as he was signing the check for dinner (he was left handed) He had a vicious tan line. SMH

5. Anti-social. You know the type that just never wants to go to social gatherings. Won't even go to the club to celebrate your recent promotion. Hesitates to go out for your sister's b-day even though he knows her well. There are actually some people who don't go out much, but if you can NEVER get him out the house, you gotta think he's hiding something.

6. Absolutely no P.D.A. You're walking down the street, you reach for his hand, he snatches it away. Or you give him a hug and he returns it with a "church hug" and quickly looks around to see who saw that. You better believe you're not the only one. I'm not saying a man should love to have you hanging all over him all the time, but if you can't even get a hug in public....RED FLAG

7. Surprise relatives. So you've known the guy for a while, you're in the middle of a good convo....all of a sudden he hops off the phone because his cousin Pookie is calling. You've never heard of Pookie. Or you he cancels your plans because Aunt Tami is coming to town this weekend. You thought his mom was an only child. Maybe he doesn't want to talk because his Grandma died (even though you thought she died when he was 12.) If it doesn't add up...it doesn't add up. Simple

8. Never-ending story changes. This one is easy. When you met he was a grad student with a 6 year old daughter. 6 months later you find out he doesn't even have a GED and just had a son with his ex wife. 3 months after that you find out the divorce won't be final for 2 more months. This has happened to me before...I swear to you men are trifling...lol


I wish I had two more to make it an even ten, but if you can nod your head to even two on the list, you need to run screaming. And even if I didn't add it to the list...anything that leaves you with a "What the fuck!" look on your face or makes your heart get caught in your throat....that should send you packing. like I said in my last blog, we ignore red flags way too much. They aren't just potential problems. That's God's way of getting to us and begging us to leave. Avoid heart ache people!!!


Disclaimer: I say "he" and "his" because I am a woman and I deal with men. However, the same thing applies to women. We are just as sneaky and trifling and to make it worse, we're better at hiding it. Sorry fellas.