Epiphany

Bare with me, I'm having a "Sharde" moment. :-/

So I was watching a bunch of sappy BS tonight and I came to an odd realization about myself. I don't cry during the sad heartbreaking moments. I do however, cry during the displays of undying true love.

Take this for an example. I was watching the last episode of The Game (aka every woman's favorite show) I was completely unmoved when Jason left Kelly dumbfounded and walked off with another woman by his side. But when Derwin and Melanie finally exchanged wedding vows, I sobbed like a baby.

As I reached for a tissue to dry my eyes and blow my nose I evaluated my abnormal reaction. I didn't cry over heartbreak, no biggie some people don't cry over TV/movies at all. But me, I cry every time I watch Armageddon and yet I had absolutely no emotional reaction to a woman being left by her husband. And I've noticed that I've kind of become immune to heart ache. I hear terrible stories about people getting cheated on or couples getting divorced and I just shrug my shoulders as if to say "C'est la vie!" I just expect things to go wrong because of what I see in my life and almost everybody around me.

And the boo hoo tears over wedding vows. Now that wouldn't be such a big deal if they were tears of joy stemmed from the beauty of love and blah blah blah. But I was actually sad...like really sad. I guess I'm coming to realize that true love is such a foreign concept to this crazy little "world of sharde."
I've never experienced true love. Sure I've loved a man or two, truly. But the love was never reciprocated. And yes I believe that one man truly loved me before, but in that case I was the one who didn't return the love.

So here I am. A 24 year old emotional mess who cries at all the wrong things and is desperately wondering if I'll ever find true love. I fear I'll just end up in another heart break scenario simply because that's all I'm used to. Well ho hum. I just had to vent write it out. Call it an overshare if you want, but that's how I roll. And when I write maybe someone out there is feeling the same way as me. :-)
Thanks for spending another random night in my bizarre little head. Good night folks.