I deal with alot of ups and downs in my life. I've had heart ache and lost some people that I really love. But I have to say the saddest thing and hardest for me to deal with is the fact that my daughter has no daddy. Of course she has a father. His name is Bryan, what a S.O.B. But she's never met him and he doesn't really care to meet her.
I was watching a movie this morning and it had me thinking about Payton's situation. Luckily she is only one and can't fully comprehend what's going on. She knows he's not around though. She's seen her brother's daddy come and pick him up and a few of my friends playing with their kids. She knows daddies exist and knows that she doesn't have one. I just dread the day when she figures it all out. And I'm not the type to lie to my kids either. If she asks any questions I will tell her the truth.
And in the meantime, we struggle. This economy sucks and I can't find a good paying job to save my life. But her father makes $45,000 a year and doesn't help. Don't believe me? Google Bryan Christopher Hilburn and it's the first link that comes up....his annual income in the Washington Post. Sad. When we were dating he was giving his ex-wife $800 a month for their son. I'd be happy if the bastard gave me $50.
And honestly it's not the money really. His presence in her life is far more valuable. He's never held her, never kissed her good night. The nigga won't even say her name. When he pretends to care he just says "how's she doing" or "where's the kid" No love in his words.
If I didn't love my daughter so much I would show up at his door and drop her off. Tell him to deal with it. It's so sad that most men won't understand what single mothers go though. It's like because they came out of us, we're the ones who have to take care of our babies. We're stuck with them no matter what. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I just think it's fucked up that dads seem to have a "get out of jail free" card just because they are detached from jump. It's bad enough we're the only ones that pay during the nine months of pregnancy. It's supposed to be better once the child is born and the responsibilities can be shared.
On top of all that, the government needs to step it up and make these men take responsibility. IT takes two to tango, two to have sex, two to go without a condom or birth control. Two people make the decision to have a baby whether by wanting one or by not using protection. And yet they let these men live their lives, while we struggle and are persecuted for putting ourselves in this situation. Even if a man says he wants a baby, as soon as he changes his mind, the government would rather us rush to the clinic and kill it.
I wanted to establish paternity in order to put my ex on child support. I filled out the nosey ass paper work that asks everything about your private sexual life around the time the child was conceived. They came back and told me they couldn't help because my daughter was conceived in the state of Virginia and it's "out of their jurisdiction." That had to be the lamest shit I heard in my life. So until I can track this nigga down myself and afford a test and convince him to take it, I"m S.O.L.
Niggas out there are just plain old trife and they really need to take care of their damn kids....it's that simple!
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