color

Growing up I always had issues with my color. I was comfortable with who I was, but everyone around felt the need to attack my blackness. I found myself stuck in "race limbo" and it was hardly ever fun. Too black for whites. Too white for blacks. And the worst part were the reason people judged me.

I spent elementary school in predominately white schools in southern California and Beaverton, OR. Most of the time, myself and my family were the only black people around. So to those white folks I was just another black girl. They were way too interested in my hair and our family traditions. I was constantly asked questions like black people were aliens and they had no idea that we had so much in common. It drove me nuts. I was even called a Nigger at one point, sadly by one of my white distant cousins. What ever the case was I was "that black girl" until I was about 10 and we moved to Portland, OR.

In 1996 I was plucked out of white America and deposited into NE Portland. We lived a few blocks from a park we couldn’t even play in because at the time the gang violence was just coming to an end. So, when I started the 5th grade at a predominately black school, I wasn't black enough. I was already a target for a lot of the girls because I was light skinned and I know it's hard for people to understand that it isn't all roses for light skinned girls (more on that another time.) And I was extremely intelligent. Unfortunately I think going to predominately white schools gave me a better education because we all know the government doesn't care about poor little black kids receiving the proper tools for life. I used proper English when I spoke and listened to different kids of music. Plain and simple I was different and that chalked up to me "acting white."

So at 10 years old I was bullied and teased, sometimes by my own family. And even in middle school I had a hard time fitting in so I hung out with more than one group of friends. I like to call it clique hopping and I did the same in high school. I had one group of white friends that I could hang out with, listen to pop and alternative music with. Then I had my black friends I used to dance with and listen to r&b and hip-hop with. It was crazy because I felt like I was living a double life. It actually caused a lot of stress on my relationships because I had to juggle my friends. I saw it as a bad thing, but in my older years I see the benefits.

Now I am a chameleon and when it comes to networking it is very beneficial. I can mix with many different crowds and accomplish a lot. In the business world I know that my education helps me land interviews and my well-rounded personality helps get me jobs. There aren't too many people that can say they find nothing in common with me. It's actually kind of fun. So to any young folks out there that feel like they aren't black enough or they're too black or what ever the case may be. Hold your head up and just be you because it will make you a better person in the end.