Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Why Lie???

Excuse all that weird background noise.

video

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Man Up Little Boy

**Christopher takes his 3 year old son CJ to the park.  He watches his little boy run around, slide down the slide, and play with all the other kids. Suddenly, CJ runs up to his father in tears.
His father asks, "What's wrong?"
CJ replies, "I fell down and hurt my knee."
"Suck it up.  Be a man and stop crying boy," is his father's response. "There's nothing wrong with you."**

**Crystal picks her 5 year old son Damon up from school.  He looks upset, so his mother asks what's wrong.
"Malik was messing with me," Damon says with tears in his eyes.  "He pushed me on the playground."
Crystal replies, "Boy stop crying, next time push his ass back.  Don't be a punk."**

Scenes like this play out in the Black community every day. Little boys are being taught by their parents to bottle up their feelings and defend themselves with aggression.  I'm sure you probably know where I'm going with this, but I'm still going to go there because we still haven't got the message.

Recently we have lost a lot of young black BOYS to violence. Boys who are barely old enough to serve in the military are losing their lives at the hands of boys barely old enough to drive a car.  It's so tragic.  It takes so much out of a community to lose a CHILD.  We weep, we cry out, we wonder why.  Everyone is looking for an answer.  How do we stop this?  How can we get to these young men?  What is the root of the problem?

There are many reasons behind the actions of these boys.  The media, peers, ignorance, but I think that the illustrations above are the root.  Like many issues of today’s youth, it stems from the home.  What they are taught (or not taught) at an early age, leads to their behavior in adolescence. We as parents, mentors, and elders need to check what we say to these young men from day one. And it really is simple.

We need to teach young black men how to deal with their feelings.  These boys are out here shooting each other because they were always told to suck it up and be a man.  We need to let these kids be kids.  A 3 year old boy is supposed to cry when he gets upset.  Don't spoil or coddle them, but don't act like something is wrong with shedding a tear.

From day one we tell little black boys to be men, stop all that crying and do something about it.  Don't come crying to your parents every time you get hurt.  How ridiculous is it to expect a toddler to act like a man?  If a child gets hurt, they cry.  If a child is upset, they cry.  There is NOTHING wrong with that.  They do not have the knowledge to fully express themselves or the power to control their surroundings.  They get frustrated and they cry.  Hell, at 25 years old, I cry when I’m frustrated.  It's natural, so we need to stop treating these little boys like its wrong.

The little boys who were forced to shut up, hit back, and deal with everything on their own when they were little, are doing just that in their teens.  They get into arguments over simple things and it ends with a dead body.  They were never taught to talk about what the problem is.  They were never taught how to problem solve.  They were never taught that it is ok to be upset, so they solve their problems in the quickest, simplest way. *BANG*

The biggest fear of a young black man is to be seen as a punk.  If he is disrespected and he walks away, he's a pussy.  If someone talks crazy to you, you have to get in his face.  If someone bumps into you, you have to bump back.  If you don't, you're weak.  And Lord knows they were never taught the art of debate.  Why argue?  Hear one thing you don't like and resort straight to violence.  All this leads to is what we see on the news every day.

So what do we do?  When our 3 year old climbs into our lap in tears, kiss his forehead, ask what’s wrong, listen, and offer a solution.  If he’s hurt, kiss the wound and say, “Don’t worry, it’ll feel better soon.”  If someone is messing with him, tell him what to SAY.  Let him know that people are going to be mean, but he doesn’t need to worry about that because he is better than that.  If you want him to act like a man, teach him how to act like man because telling him to man up will make him act like a nigga.

We all need to know that there is nothing wrong with walking away from an ignorant situation.  If someone is trying to start with you, if your friends are about to do something stupid….it is ok to leave.  You have something to work for.  You are too good to end up dead or in jail or having to watch your back every day.  All you have to do is say your peace and walk away.  There’s nothing dishonorable about that.

More than anything, these boys need to learn how to TALK things out, how to THINK things through, and how not to ACT out of anger and frustration.  And if we keep treating these babies like they have to act like men, we are going to keep failing.  The body count will increase and ignorance will continue to spread like an STD. 

I refuse to let my son follow this trend.  People already criticize the way I raise him, but I know one thing is for sure, he'll never end up with a gun in his hand trying to solve a problem.  He will have the intelligence to find a better solution and the self-worth to know he is so much greater than any of the ignorance around him.  While most people are teaching their 3 year olds to be "men," I am teaching my son how to express himself through creativity, reading and expanding his vocabulary.  I am harvesting his talents so that he stays involved in activities and out of trouble.  Call me crazy, but I love that fact that my child is a child and will be until he's an adult.

We should all want that for our babies.  Keep that in mind and pray for a better future.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Self Image

I never thought I was pretty. Growing up I was the ugly, weird, tall, skinny, four-eyed girl. And to top it all off, I was smart. I always felt out cast and boy was I ever picked on. I was never dark enough for the black folks. I was never light enough for the white folks. I was just awkward.

My mother didn't help much. She over looked a lot. My accomplishments, my beauty, my passion. All she saw were my flaws. "Your stomach looks terrible in that." "Are you really wearing that?" "Why would you wanna go do that?" Nothing positive.

Eventually, I grew into my ears, I got breast, thighs, hips. I wasn't so awkward anymore. I finally got attention from guys. I soaked it all up. Abused it at one point. I was just glad that I was wanted for once.

Now, I don't care. Some people like the way I look. Some people don't. Some people think I'm too big. Some people think my teeth aren't white enough. That my nose is too big. That I need to wax more often. I just don't care.

When I wake up and look in the mirror, I see my kids. I see my features that have been passed down to my angels. My dimples, my lips, my eyes, my complexion, my smile, my hair(when it was natural). I'm happy with me. Whether I gain 15 more lbs or if I lose 20.

People (girls especially) spend so much time caring. I spent 15 years caring about everyone else and forgot that I had to care about myself. I like me. :-)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

#Messy: It's what's trending

Messy:
1. characterized by a dirty, untidy, or disordered condition: a messy room.
2. causing a mess: a messy recipe; messy work.
3. embarrassing, difficult, or unpleasant: a messy political situation.
4. characterized by moral or psychological confusion.
Via Dictionary.com (Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2010.)

It's 2010. A new decade. A few months ago we were all making resolutions. Proclaiming that this would be "our" year. So many people made affirmations and swore to themselves that this would be the year of no drama. The year of maturity. The year of growth. I think it's safe to say that mission failed....epically.

Turn on the TV, flip to the nearest reality show or drama (the genre says it all) I guarantee you will not be surprised with what you see. Bad Girls Club showcases some of the messiest females I've ever seen.  Cat fight after cat fight.  And the word "bitch" is thrown around like a frisbee in a dog park.  The Wendy Williams Show thrives on the messiest gossip and brings on some of the messiest guests.  We get to see clips from shows like Real Housewives of Atlanta and we hear about who Larry King is sleeping with and how it all went down.  If there were no drama in Hollywood, that show (and shows like it) would fizzle and die.

Everywhere we turn is drama, drama, drama. For some reason there is a global obsession with all things messy. From Facebook statuses to the nightly news, if there’s no drama, it’s just not interesting. If a woman isn’t calling another woman a bitch or a hoe; if a guy isn’t talking about all his haters; if girls aren’t being catty and having the most ignorant fights over a man; if someone’s not breaking their vows, it’s not worth paying attention to. This is a BIG problem and here are a couple of reasons why:

1. Children copy EVERYTHING. There’s these things we call kids and we’re supposed to be these things we call adults. Immaturity, games, and lack of wisdom are things for children. And because adults are SUPPOSED to be the mature and wise ones, children emulate all that we do. What if a 6 year old girl is flipping through the channels and sees a clip of one of these reality shows featuring ignorant, promiscuous women fighting for the “love” of some C-list celebrity? Chances are, they might be exposed to this messy behavior and they will more than likely copy it in one shape or form, even if it’s just once. When my niece was 4, she was talking about how Elmo was her baby’s dad and wouldn’t take care of the kids. It may sound funny, but it is a serious problem. Somewhere in the back of her head, she thought that was ok, the norm. And when children get that in their head early on, it’s a recipe for disaster.

2. We become DESENSITIZED. If all we see is drama and BS, eventually it’s just not going to bother us anymore. Think about it. All that we see is petty fights, messy situations, and drama. So when those things enter our own life, we just shrug it off when we really need to pay attention and stay away from such things. There’s not enough shock value. When we hear that our friend got into a fight with her son’s father and he wrecked her car because she called him a bitch, we should be left in awe. Now-a-days all we can really do is say, “I believe it.” And people cheat so often that it NEVER surprises me. I hear, “Girl, do you know that Tommy slept with Tammy’s best friend?” All I can do is say, "oh well." It’s all over the media. Everyone from A-list celebrities to local politicians are making infidelity the “in” thing. This means people are going to keep cheating and keep allowing people to cheat on them. Sometimes we need that shock value to keep us from allowing things to happen.  We need to be shocked when we see women degrading each other.  We need to be shocked when we see folks curse out the parents of their children.  If we're not, it will just keep on happening.

So knowing that absorbing all this messiness is a problem, why perpetuate it?  Why are so many people glued to the TV and/or broadcasting their messy situations on Facebook and Twitter?  It's the thing to do I guess.  Everyone from high schoolers to folks in their 40s, hell some even older than that are embracing the messy way of life.  If you're not into dramatics, cattiness, and the sort, you're just not cool.  I want to challenge everyone (myself included) to ignore miessiness.  Let's have a Messy Boycott. Stop commenting on people's statuses is they air their dirty laundry online.  Stop watching these ignorant show because all you're doing is sending the ratings through the roof.  If we stop promoting this type of behavior, maybe it would cease to exist. (Wishful thinking)

Disclaimer:  I have had my messy moments.  Who hasn't?  :-)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Everything Happens For a Reason

God places people in our lives for a purpose, whether we realize it or not. When it comes to relationships, we get so upset when things go wrong. Why did he leave? Why couldn't we be together? Why, why, why? And it usually take quite some time until we see the big picture.


Lately I've been evaluating the men who have come in and out of my life and I see it was all a part of God's plan. The men I've dealt with in the past six months or so have all served a purpose in me finding my purpose. I am a new me and I and very thankful for that.


I had been seeing a guy for a few months. Really like him, but no matter how much I cared for him, wanted to be with him, I couldn't because he already had a girl. Stupidly I kept playing the role, tried my best to win him over for far too long and one day I finally broke. I realized that I deserved so much more. His purpose in my life was to open my eyes to the fact that I sell myself short, a lot. Not just in relationships, but life in general. I settled way too much and I can't do that anymore.


The next guy I was semi-involved with is really a great guy. We had ridiculous conversations about any and everything. Did everything from laugh to cry together. He'd come over and we'd sit and talk for hours on end. There wasn't much negative about our interaction, but he too served a purpose. He made me realize that it is okay to just be myself. No matter how weird I think I am, simply being me is a good look. I felt so comfortable and I found out that people actually like my little quirky ways.


There were also a few guys here and there that taught me that chivalry is NOT dead. True gentlemen do exist. And no matter how many terrible things a woman has done in her past, she still deserves to be treated like a lady.


Now, the last guy probably had the biggest impact and really made everything click. I don't think I had ever met a man that I wanted so bad. He had absolutely everything I looked for in a man, but I was lacking. I figured if he was ever going to want me as much as I wanted him, I needed to step my game up. That's when I started Extreme Makeover: Soul Edition. Little by little I got rid of Satan's hold on my life. I grew closer to God and in doing so, everything else in my life is falling into place. I may never get the chance to be his girl, but I am forever grateful for his presence in my life. I would not be the same.


Once again, I know this is another one of my personal blogs, but I shared this to show that everything happens for a reason. We get so burdened with hurt and disappointment that we fail to see that even the worst things in life can bring us something positive, i.e. WISDOM. So I want to end this with one of my favorite quotes.
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

Monday, February 22, 2010

Disclaimer

I am a writer.  I write about more than the average person.  I use examples when I write.  The best example is self experience.  I apologize if it bothers some people that what I write is personal.  Get over it.  "Keep in mind that I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit!"

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Never Forget

In honor of Black History Month, I had to dedicate at least one blog to my people.  I just think that people tend to forget what our ancestors dealt with and fought for.  It was not merely evil glares at corner stores.  It was not merely having to work 10 times as hard as our white counterparts to make half as much.  They were MURDERED, RAPED, KIDNAPPED, stripped of all they knew.  Our people had to live in fear.  Had to fight everyday.  We take so much for granted.  Complain about the little bits of injustice we deal with and are too lazy to stand up and continue the fight that greats like Harriet Tubman, Nat Turner, and Dr. King fought so long ago.
Take a look at these images.





















The evidence of the suffering endured by slaves.



















A handsome 14 year old boy beaten literally to a bloody pulp.
























Four little angles who's bodies were blown up and burned in a church!




















Young people being hosed down like dogs.





















Men, someone's daddy, son, brother, husband, being hung from a tree as the white folks stand there watching, laughing.





We gave up, we gave in.  We need to remember and continue that fight.  Our people are still suffering today.  And we need to know the strength that is our people.  Know where you come from.  We are Black America, not Barbies and Martians.

I wish I could be more articulate and say more, but a picture is worth 1,000 words.

Opposites Attract???????

Random thought popped into my head and I decided to write it out.

Do opposites really attract? And if they do, are those the relationship that last? Why or why not?

My opinion......

I feel that to a certain extent opposites do indeed attract. That whole "you are everything I am not" concept can hold very true. But I feel you have to look further into it. Let me give you an example. I am a passive indecisive person. Therefore I am attracted to assertive men. Two indecisive people won't get far. Sitting on the couch every day shrugging your shoulders, trying to figure out what movie to watch can actually DESTROY a relationship. But if one person can step up and make suggestions and the other can go-with-the-flow, it's almost a perfect symbiotic connection.

On the flip side, sometimes opposition is no bueno. Another example; I am a very odd woman. I have an extremely diverse background. I grew up in the hood and in the suburbs, so my likes and dislikes are on a very wide spectrum. If I date a hood boy, at some point our interaction will be limited. We can listen to Young Money and Jay-Z for a while and enjoy it together, but when I turn on my Maroon 5 or Duffy, he's going to shy away. That is a very small example, but apply that across the board and understand where I'm coming from. I would need someone with similar interests or at least someone who could truly understand my eclectic taste in life.

I guess it's not really about opposites or similarities, but more so about supplemental personalities. If someone's positives fill your negatives, you laugh at the same movies, complain about the same bs in life, and share at least 60% of your playlists......you might have something good going. But then again this is only MY opinion. And my opinion is only derived form what I experience and see. Maybe there are folks out there with the exact same personality type who grew up in total opposition to each other that are so madly in love that you can throw everything I just said out the window. :-) That's the beauty of the world.

Epiphany

Bare with me, I'm having a "Sharde" moment. :-/

So I was watching a bunch of sappy BS tonight and I came to an odd realization about myself. I don't cry during the sad heartbreaking moments. I do however, cry during the displays of undying true love.

Take this for an example. I was watching the last episode of The Game (aka every woman's favorite show) I was completely unmoved when Jason left Kelly dumbfounded and walked off with another woman by his side. But when Derwin and Melanie finally exchanged wedding vows, I sobbed like a baby.

As I reached for a tissue to dry my eyes and blow my nose I evaluated my abnormal reaction. I didn't cry over heartbreak, no biggie some people don't cry over TV/movies at all. But me, I cry every time I watch Armageddon and yet I had absolutely no emotional reaction to a woman being left by her husband. And I've noticed that I've kind of become immune to heart ache. I hear terrible stories about people getting cheated on or couples getting divorced and I just shrug my shoulders as if to say "C'est la vie!" I just expect things to go wrong because of what I see in my life and almost everybody around me.

And the boo hoo tears over wedding vows. Now that wouldn't be such a big deal if they were tears of joy stemmed from the beauty of love and blah blah blah. But I was actually sad...like really sad. I guess I'm coming to realize that true love is such a foreign concept to this crazy little "world of sharde."
I've never experienced true love. Sure I've loved a man or two, truly. But the love was never reciprocated. And yes I believe that one man truly loved me before, but in that case I was the one who didn't return the love.

So here I am. A 24 year old emotional mess who cries at all the wrong things and is desperately wondering if I'll ever find true love. I fear I'll just end up in another heart break scenario simply because that's all I'm used to. Well ho hum. I just had to vent write it out. Call it an overshare if you want, but that's how I roll. And when I write maybe someone out there is feeling the same way as me. :-)
Thanks for spending another random night in my bizarre little head. Good night folks.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

How to spot a playa

Sometimes it's hard for us to tell when some thing's wrong in a relationship. Everyone's red flag detector is not always fine tuned. Sometimes love and infatuation block the signal. I, unfortunately, have too much experience with red flags. Finding out my man is cheating, finding out the guy I'm seeing already has a girl/wife. So I thought I'd share my "expertise" with others. So here are some classic red flags that should send you running.

1. Vibrating phone. Every time you two are together, his phone is on vibrate. Beware, don't think it's because he doesn't want anything to interrupt what you're doing. He just doesn't want you to hear his ring tone or pay attention to how many times the phone actually goes off.

2. Camera shy. Do you have any pictures with your man? Actual pictures that he posed for and fully exposed his face. The candid, caught off guard flicks don't count. neither do the ones with his hood/hat covering half his face. He's not shy, he just doesn't want the pic to end up on Facebook where people can see it.

3. Designated meet/talk time. Ok now, if you guys talk on the phone at specific times of the day. He calls you every day on his lunch break or on his drive home and always gets too tired once he gets home. Or he only comes over after 10pm or maybe noon. Don't be fooled to think that day visits mean he's true. That just might be when his girlfriend/wife is at work. Trust me with this one. Try this if you don't believe me. Ask him to call or come over outside of the usually meet/talk time....listen for that hesitation and slight panic in his voice. Sure he'll come up with a very reasonable excuse, but he'll freak out for 2.5 seconds.

4. Illusive left hand. Crazy as it sound check it out. Is his left hand always in hi pocket, in his lap, or under his right hand? Please check to see if a tan line or an indentation is on that ring finger. I caught one guy as he was signing the check for dinner (he was left handed) He had a vicious tan line. SMH

5. Anti-social. You know the type that just never wants to go to social gatherings. Won't even go to the club to celebrate your recent promotion. Hesitates to go out for your sister's b-day even though he knows her well. There are actually some people who don't go out much, but if you can NEVER get him out the house, you gotta think he's hiding something.

6. Absolutely no P.D.A. You're walking down the street, you reach for his hand, he snatches it away. Or you give him a hug and he returns it with a "church hug" and quickly looks around to see who saw that. You better believe you're not the only one. I'm not saying a man should love to have you hanging all over him all the time, but if you can't even get a hug in public....RED FLAG

7. Surprise relatives. So you've known the guy for a while, you're in the middle of a good convo....all of a sudden he hops off the phone because his cousin Pookie is calling. You've never heard of Pookie. Or you he cancels your plans because Aunt Tami is coming to town this weekend. You thought his mom was an only child. Maybe he doesn't want to talk because his Grandma died (even though you thought she died when he was 12.) If it doesn't add up...it doesn't add up. Simple

8. Never-ending story changes. This one is easy. When you met he was a grad student with a 6 year old daughter. 6 months later you find out he doesn't even have a GED and just had a son with his ex wife. 3 months after that you find out the divorce won't be final for 2 more months. This has happened to me before...I swear to you men are trifling...lol


I wish I had two more to make it an even ten, but if you can nod your head to even two on the list, you need to run screaming. And even if I didn't add it to the list...anything that leaves you with a "What the fuck!" look on your face or makes your heart get caught in your throat....that should send you packing. like I said in my last blog, we ignore red flags way too much. They aren't just potential problems. That's God's way of getting to us and begging us to leave. Avoid heart ache people!!!


Disclaimer: I say "he" and "his" because I am a woman and I deal with men. However, the same thing applies to women. We are just as sneaky and trifling and to make it worse, we're better at hiding it. Sorry fellas.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Ode to Valentine's Day

Oh Valentine's Day
How I loathe thee
Red hearts
Cards and candies
I say
Fuck that
Yup, fuck it
Why waste my time
Love
Ain't all that
Happiness
Joy
Passion
Intimacy
The hell am I celebratin for
Love to me?
Heart ache
Pain
Lies
Abandonment
Oh joy
Valentine's
What a crock
For the birds
The pretenders
The Joneses and such
Stupid
Silly
Ridiculous
Ahhhh
Now that's out my system

Will you be my Valentine?

Monday, February 8, 2010

True Colors

When a man shows you their true colors you must take them at face value. there is no hidden explanation. "Maybe he's just scared" or "He's just trying to drive me away because he's hurt." Blah blah blah. Stop making excuses for trifling men. If he's unfaithful...he's unfaithful. Nothing more too it. If he hits you....he's going to hit you. If he's a lying...he's going to lie.
We spend so much time trying to rationalize and hold on to the men in our lives that we get ourselves stuck in painful situations. And then when they deliver the final most painful blow, we get all hurt and upset and "he's a dog" and "I can't believe he did that." Snap out of it ladies. You already knew this. He showed you and you chose to ignore it.
This Sanford chick. Married the politician, and he changed the vows. She knew about it. He didn't want the whole fidelity part to be in the vows. She valued his honesty. Hahahahahaha. You dumb bitch! He told you from jump that he didn't want to be faithful. Yeah honesty is important, but fidelity might be important too. And then he lets the whole world know that he cheated on her dumb ass and now she's mad. You idiot, you gave him permission to see his mistress. Women like you make me vomit.
Mommas always tell us that if we see a red flag we need to take note. But sometime men not only flash a red flag, they show us the cum stains on the damn flag. Let's be smart ladies. If we have the chance to not be hurt, don't be hurt. DUH.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tangled

Six years ago I got trapped in Satan's Web like a fly facing it's demise. I just laid there lifeless, hopeless, helpless, dead. Like a servant on the Flying Dutchman I became apart of Satan's world and it became a part of me. I had spurts of life here and there, never lasting more than several months and I always ended right back in that web. It felt like I was doomed. Like I had met my fate and there was nothing I could do about it. Useless, dead, and blind.
A short time ago someone came along and woke me up. He opened my eyes and said, "Run Sharde. You don't have to stay here." Slowly, I started to see the truth. I had the power to loosen the web that had been suffocating me for so long. I started running and piece by piece that web started detangling. Day by day the strings began to fall one after another. The harder I run the faster I can go.
I am still somewhat tangled, but I am regaing control over my life. My hope has been restored. My life is coming back and I am breathing much easier now. Before you know it, I will be completely free from Satan's web of sin, lies, pain, and doubt. Soon I will be able to fly again.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Why?

Men always want to call a woman bitter as soon as she shows any kind of attitude or disdain towards him. If we so much as frown at something a man does we're just bitter bitches. And it's always "Why are you so mean?" "Why are you so bitter?" "What's wrong with you?" So I decided to write a list of things in my life that have turned me into the miserable bitter bitch that I am today.

1) My dad left my mom for a younger woman, who used to be our babysitter.
2) I have been cheated on since I was 15 years old, by almost every guy I was with.
3) I've never been in a 100% honest relationship.
4) I have been choked, punched in the eye, slapped, and beat with a belt by men that I loved and gave my all to.
5) Many of my very close friends/family were raped.
6) I have been called a bitch by a complete stranger because I politely declined to give him my phone number.
7) My daughter doesn't know her father...the same man that begged me to have his baby in the first place.
8) All of my friends with kids are single mothers with abusive exs.
9) Even the men who acted like perfect gentlemen have found a way to break my heart.
10) Every man that I ever loved has left me.

Now the next time you fix your mouth to call a woman bitter or mean or miserable or a plain old bitch.....keep in mind that maybe life is what's a bitch and we are just products of it.