Wednesday, December 14, 2011

For the past 24 hours I’ve been conducting an experiment. I decided to take a break from Facebook and Twitter for a day. Why is this such a big deal? Have you seen mine? Yeah, I’m an addict. I’ve actually backed down from Facebook considerably since the last round of “updates” to the site, but because of that, my Twitter addiction has grown tenfold.
As you can imagine, there were many times today when I grabbed for my phone or opened up my laptop out of instinct to check my news feed and timeline. But I quickly remembered and kept my hands still. It was very very difficult. I knew this beforehand actually, so I deleted the Facebook and Twitter apps from my phone before I started my “timeout.” The notifications stopped, the temptation lessened.
I must admit, I didn’t really miss Facebook that much. Aside from the urge to check after my sister informed me that a friend of mine quoted me in a post, I really didn’t care much to break my silence. All I really do on there is post pictures anyway. So what if I missed few picture comments and invites to hoodrat functions I don’t plan on attending.
Twitter, however, oh how I’ve missed thee. That’s become such an outlet for me. It’s the main source of my socialization. So much that I only talked to 4 people in my absence. On a typical day I chat with dozens of friends and I’m definitely more aware of what’s happening in the community. A lot of times, Twitter is the first source of news for a lot of us. Unfortunately the validity of the news isn’t always that great. But news nonetheless. I personally hate watching the news on TV, so Twitter keeps me up to date.
So what exactly did I miss? Let’s see.  I came back to three mentions on twitter, four likes on pictures I’m not in by someone I don’t know, comments in my high school alumni group, sims social requests, a friend request from someone I’ve already deleted, and a like on my writer’s page, a page I no longer use. Really. That’s it.
What did I accomplish today? Well, I cleaned the kitchen, did some shopping, wrapped Christmas presents, looked at myself in the mirror for a while, cooked a bomb ass spaghetti dinner, drank two glasses of wine, played with my kids, watched some TV, and played the Sims3 for about 4 hours. The same exact things I’d do on a regular day.
Now I would say that goes to show that I can go even longer without my social networking fix. Well, yes and no. Sure I functioned the same, got the same things done. And it’s obvious that I didn’t miss anything important. However, I will say that I’ve learned that Twitter (not so much with Facebook) can be one hell of a distraction. And good or bad, sometimes distractions are needed.
On the bad side, I tend to get caught up in conversations on Twitter and when I’m mid-tweet, my kids can be virtually invisible. I always try to finish a thought before addressing anything else around me.  But on the good side, those distractions keep my mind from wandering. I spent more time in the past 24 hours thinking about nonsense than I have in forever. Ex-boos, money issues, stress, and other worries consumed my thoughts. Any other day I would just check my timeline and keep my focus on something else.
I guess when all is said and done, I see no reason to completely cut myself off from my social networking addiction. No need to join a 12 step group quite yet. I will, however, say that I might need to limit myself. I need to pay more attention to my surrounding, interact more with my friends in other ways (call, text, visit) and really just not let it consume so much of my time. I’m going to work on all that (scout’s honor) but remember, baby steps are best. Tweet ya later folks.

Monday, December 12, 2011

This is a little rant stemming from a conversation I had with a friend. I am a very open and honest person. I rarely lie and I give out information pretty freely. Most people think I share too much of my business with too many people, but really, I don’t care.
 The thing is, people have been spreading my business since I can remember. I mean the rumor mill spun a story about the loss of my virginity that got back to my mother before I got back in town the very next weekend.  So instead of letting people tell stories and mix up details, I usually try to beat them to the punch. Even if I’ve wronged a lover, I never wait to get caught. I’d rather tell on myself first.
So if you ask me a question, I most likely will give you an honest answer. No need to lie. No need to hide anything. That just reflects badly on me. See, I honestly don’t think I’m doing things much different from the rest of you. I’m just the one who’s not afraid to tell it like it is. Yup, I did that. And I liked it too.
And it’s not that I’m too trusting. Quite the opposite really. I don’t trust anyone. I figure everyone I know will do me wrong at least once, so I don’t put much faith in mere mortals. If I tell someone a secret, I have no doubt that they will tell at least one other person, who will tell one other person, who will tell one other person, yada yada yada. So if I tell one person something, In the back of my head, I know I’m telling everybody.
My lack of trust in people isn’t as negative as it seems really. I honestly think that when a person wrongs another, most of the time it’s unintentional. There aren’t too many people out there being malicious, haphazardly betraying friends and breaking hearts. They simply lose sight of anything that’s secondary to them. We’re self-centered creatures. We do what we want as long as it benefits us. And it's not really out of blatant disregard for others; we just take care of ourselves first.
With all that said, I really just do me. I don’t concern myself with what others think or what they say. I ignore the rumors, because I usually have already told the truth. And when it comes down to it, my head is clear, I don’t fear judgment, and lies, deceit, and betrayal are easily addressed, dismissed, and ignored. Maybe it’s my way of being self-centered and looking out for me, but hey, I stay smiling.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

That Feeling

You know that feeling?
That so smooth you feel like
Lilacs are licking your spine
That so gentle you feel like
Swimming in warm milk


You know
That feeling
When a thought can make
Sun beam through a dimpled smile
When a voice can relax you
Like bathing in lavender


You know that
Feeling can make your mind
Tip toe so swift like
Walking on water
Make your stomach feel like its
Being tickled with humming bird feathers

You know that feeling

Monday, January 24, 2011

I'm Grown, You're Grown, Let's Do Stupid Sh*t Together

There is a large misconception that being grown means that you can do whatever you want. Sure it’s a true statement. “I’m grown; I can do what I want.” However, if that’s your definition of being grown, there’s no difference between you and a 12 year old.  Regardless of age, we all can do whatever we want. If a 12 year old wants to have sex, they can. If they want a car, they can go steal one (trust me I knew a 12 year old who was always joy-riding in stolen cars) If they want to smoke weed and get drunk, they can just go do it. We all have free will and aside from being held accountable by God, law enforcement, and our parents, we’ve been doing whatever we want all our lives. That’s not a right we gain in adulthood.

The mentality of “I’m grown I can do what I want” is the philosophy of those who are “acting grown.” You can be 9 or 49 and act grown. It’s not earned or obtained at any particular milestone. “Being grown” on the other hand is something totally different.

Those who are actually being grown instead of just acting grown know that we have always been able to do whatever it is that we want to do. However when you are truly grown and mature, you use discernment in what you do. You also have a great deal of respect for yourself and others.

As an example, I’ve been encountered by men who have dealt with my friends or relatives, or who’s friends or relatives I’ve dealt with. They pursue me and when I decline, they’re first response is, “We’re both grown. We can do what we want.” Now of course there is absolutely nothing to stop me from lying in bed with any man who asks me to, but being grown, I have enough respect for myself and the situation to say no.  At times my reasons are too much for the average horny male to comprehend. They’re so busy acting grown that all they care about is doing what they want.

Hell I want to take a trip to Paris this summer and when I get my tax return, I will have more than enough money to purchase the ticket. But as much as I want to go to Paris, I’m not because I have responsibilities and more important things to be concerned with, like my kids and my bills. We can all act grown and go through life haphazardly, not caring about the consequences of our action (Even if our actions effect no one but ourselves) But it is much better to actually be grown, use some common sense, show respect for self and others, and make wise decisions that we won’t regret later in life.

The Comfort Zone

I ran into a good friend of mine this morning and we got to talking, catching up and what not. He was telling me about a girl that he was interested in and the situation they were in. Living together as friends, hanging out, basically "playing house" and yet she says that she sees him as just a friend.  He can't understand that and thinks she must feel something more for him based on her actions with him and that brought to mind the idea of the "comfort zone."

As we all know, women are very "interesting" creatures. A lot of times our actions don't make much sense because they don't align with what we're saying and honestly sometimes we don't even understand it ourselves. I've seen situations like this before; I've even been in them. A girl will basically do all the relationship type stuff with a man, but say they're just friends and date (or be interested in) other guys at the same time. Why is that?

Well usually this guy is nice, sweet, respectful, generous, caring....the recipe for the perfect guy. So the woman feels comfortable with him. Almost like having a gay guy friend that you can have sex with. We've got it in our heads that if we meet a "nice guy" and we date him, then we're settling. It's one of those crazy paradoxes like "Raise your standards" but "Don't be a stuck up gold-digger." So we're told "don't settle" but then we're fools for passing up the "nice guys."

We end up with the idea that actually dating the "nice guy" would be settling. We can do better. We can find a nice guy who is rich or spontaneous or noble prize winner or an MMA fighter. Our relationship appetites are really insatiable. So we don't want to settle for this "nice guy" (who's actually great) so in the mean time, we get comfortable with him. Basically use him as a guinea pig by playing house and practicing all those crazy Kama sutra positions with him. All the while painfully reminding him that he's just our friend. Even pouring salt on the wound by seeking counsel about the other guy(s) we're dealing with.

**As I write this I realize that I’m describing one of the plots from "He's Just Not That Into You" if you haven't watched it, you should**

So anyway, women will take full advantage of men in these types of situations. Sometimes we're actually denying what we really feel in fear that the relationship would be perfect (I know that sounds crazy, but then again so are women) But a lot of the time we're just using the guy. Shocking, I know. But it's like a baby and its blanket or stuffed animal. It makes us feel safe. We can have sex with our "nice guy" and know that he won't burn us (literally and figuratively) We can share our deepest thoughts with him because he's kind and smart and will give us an unbiased opinion, even if it is about the ex con you brought home after the club who is now ignoring your phone calls.

My advice to the ladies; stop overlooking these guys. One you're tired of getting dogged, they will be the first ones you'll think to run to and there's no guarantee that they'll be waiting.

My advice to the men; stop dealing with women like that. You're so much better than all that. There’s a real woman out there more deserving of a man like you.