Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Plight of the Black Family

So, last night I was having a conversation about Black folks with a friend of mine. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure my new tattoo started the conversation. Anyway, so my friend, who is a 30-something, successful Black man who grew up in the projects of New York, spent about 45 minutes breaking down all that is wrong with the dynamics of the Black Family. We covered many aspects, so I will try my best to break it down.

When dating.....

We've noticed a trend in the (not so)great northwest when it comes to Black men's dating habits. They love white women. Go to any show/concert/event and you will see more Black men booed up with white women than Black women. And why is this, well simply put, they're looking for a come up. They want the one thing most white women have to offer, financial aid. You have the young thugs that pimp out white women or lay up on their sofa, borrow their cars and leech off every dime they earn. And, even more despicable, successful Black men who attach themselves to white women to enhance their financial stability.

These men are not interested in Black women because they can't (won't) pay their bills, cash them out, or let them use their trust fund.

So then we see all these mixed couples breeding light skinned babies, watering down their Black roots trying to get closer and closer to that good old "White" money, but that Black man will never ever get a piece of that pie. What he fails to realize is daddy is going to disown Becky for dating him and if at any point times get hard, Becky will not have the survival skills required to help him hold it down.

How can the Black Family survive when its being diluted and there are fewer and fewer Black men who are willing to create a family with Black women?

**I know all Black men who date/have dated a white woman are not like that. I am simply speaking of those who's preference is to date white women.**

And then you have fatherhood....

A concept foreign to many Black men. No matter how often we talk about it, how hard we try to fix it, Black men just have a tendency to leave. I have more friends with absentee fathers than friends who's fathers were involved. We see it all the time, at home, on tv, amongst our friends, Black fathers disappear like the stars on a cloudy night.

Whether a couple is married or two strangers have a condom mishap, many of you Black men skip out on the biggest responsibility of your life...your children. My mother's father left her, my father left me, my daughter's father left her. And they think its ok. Nobody is telling these men to take care of their children. Nobody cares. Men aren't telling their sons to raise their children, because they dipped out on their sons as well.

Now, yes, there is a long history of broken families. Fathers were ripped from their wives and children and sold to different plantations. They were brutally murdered by the Klan. Men were wrongfully accused and placed behind bars. But now, they simply leave. They heartlessly turn their back on their seeds and repeat with the next (or try to find a white girl.)

And Black women are left to shoulder the burden. To raise their sons without a father, to raise their daughters strong enough to hold it down when they get left. And they're tired and hurt and disrespected and unwanted. (And you wonder why we're so "angry and bitter")

So what needs to happen?

Simply put (yet not so simply executed) Black men need to step the f*ck up. Even if you don't have children of your own, you need to do your part to rebuild the Black Family. Reach out to your brothers, nephews, cousins and instill that sense of responsibility. Teach them to love their beautiful Black women, to stand on their own two feet no matter how tired they get (kinda like Black women do) and to take care of their children no matter what.

I do understand that some women make it ridiculously hard for you men to enjoy fatherhood. They are nasty and crazy, they try to hold your children hostage when you end the relationship and a myriad of other obstacles are placed in your way. You have to be strong enough to ignore all of her drama in order to be their for your children. In order to raise daughters who will not exhibit such behavior and sons who will not make the mistake of creating life with those types of women.

All excuses aside, Black men need to start doing their part. And no, that's not just paying child support and taking your kids every other weekend. Step up and rebuild our homes, strengthen our youth and please start loving your Black women because your daughters see what's going on.


  1. Agree with all but one point: a dude looking for bread off of a woman doesn't care about any color save for green. If a woman got money he can use, he'll use it. Great points all around though.

    1. This is true, but how many Black women have money to spare, or the willingness to share it?