The Plight of the Black Family

So, last night I was having a conversation about Black folks with a friend of mine. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure my new tattoo started the conversation. Anyway, so my friend, who is a 30-something, successful Black man who grew up in the projects of New York, spent about 45 minutes breaking down all that is wrong with the dynamics of the Black Family. We covered many aspects, so I will try my best to break it down.

When dating.....

We've noticed a trend in the (not so)great northwest when it comes to Black men's dating habits. They love white women. Go to any show/concert/event and you will see more Black men booed up with white women than Black women. And why is this, well simply put, they're looking for a come up. They want the one thing most white women have to offer, financial aid. You have the young thugs that pimp out white women or lay up on their sofa, borrow their cars and leech off every dime they earn. And, even more despicable, successful Black men who attach themselves to white women to enhance their financial stability.

These men are not interested in Black women because they can't (won't) pay their bills, cash them out, or let them use their trust fund.

So then we see all these mixed couples breeding light skinned babies, watering down their Black roots trying to get closer and closer to that good old "White" money, but that Black man will never ever get a piece of that pie. What he fails to realize is daddy is going to disown Becky for dating him and if at any point times get hard, Becky will not have the survival skills required to help him hold it down.

How can the Black Family survive when its being diluted and there are fewer and fewer Black men who are willing to create a family with Black women?

**I know all Black men who date/have dated a white woman are not like that. I am simply speaking of those who's preference is to date white women.**

And then you have fatherhood....

A concept foreign to many Black men. No matter how often we talk about it, how hard we try to fix it, Black men just have a tendency to leave. I have more friends with absentee fathers than friends who's fathers were involved. We see it all the time, at home, on tv, amongst our friends, Black fathers disappear like the stars on a cloudy night.

Whether a couple is married or two strangers have a condom mishap, many of you Black men skip out on the biggest responsibility of your life...your children. My mother's father left her, my father left me, my daughter's father left her. And they think its ok. Nobody is telling these men to take care of their children. Nobody cares. Men aren't telling their sons to raise their children, because they dipped out on their sons as well.

Now, yes, there is a long history of broken families. Fathers were ripped from their wives and children and sold to different plantations. They were brutally murdered by the Klan. Men were wrongfully accused and placed behind bars. But now, they simply leave. They heartlessly turn their back on their seeds and repeat with the next (or try to find a white girl.)

And Black women are left to shoulder the burden. To raise their sons without a father, to raise their daughters strong enough to hold it down when they get left. And they're tired and hurt and disrespected and unwanted. (And you wonder why we're so "angry and bitter")

So what needs to happen?

Simply put (yet not so simply executed) Black men need to step the f*ck up. Even if you don't have children of your own, you need to do your part to rebuild the Black Family. Reach out to your brothers, nephews, cousins and instill that sense of responsibility. Teach them to love their beautiful Black women, to stand on their own two feet no matter how tired they get (kinda like Black women do) and to take care of their children no matter what.

I do understand that some women make it ridiculously hard for you men to enjoy fatherhood. They are nasty and crazy, they try to hold your children hostage when you end the relationship and a myriad of other obstacles are placed in your way. You have to be strong enough to ignore all of her drama in order to be their for your children. In order to raise daughters who will not exhibit such behavior and sons who will not make the mistake of creating life with those types of women.

All excuses aside, Black men need to start doing their part. And no, that's not just paying child support and taking your kids every other weekend. Step up and rebuild our homes, strengthen our youth and please start loving your Black women because your daughters see what's going on.

Facebook Etiquette

Texts You Should Never Send a Girl

Ever get a text, pick up your phone, read it, and then set your phone right back down? Yeah, I’m sure you have. We all have. It never fails, at some point, some dumb ass guy will send a text that will have me staring at my phone like you’ve got to be kidding me. Anyway, I’ve taken the time to actually go through my phone and post the most common annoying texts I receive. Starting with……

• “Hey” - Really? That’s it. “Hey” oh yeah, that’ll make me respond right away. You’re going to have to come harder than that sir.

• “You miss me?” -This has to be the worst. Like really, If I missed you, I would tell you. And don’t go asking dumb questions you haven’t answered yourself. Just ugh!

• “WYD” - Ignoring this text.

• “You up?” - Nope, I’m sleep. Seriously though, this is the booty call text. I mean late night rendezvous are fun and all, but I need to know before 10 so I can at least shave my legs. lol

• “Hello” - This one either comes after I’ve been ignoring your texts (and at that point you should lose my number) or if one of us has an attitude. Either way, it will probably be ignored or answered with a teaspoon of hatred.

• “I’m horny” - uhhhhhhh ok congratulations. Do you want a cookie. Need me to direct you to a website. Why the hell are you telling me this….via text at that. Boy bye!

• “Send me a pic” - Nigga, of what? I don’t send naughty pics and I probably look like shit right now so if you’re that pressed to see a pic of me, you better log onto facebook. I have thousands…..literaly.

Anyway, That’s all I got for now. Going back too far in my phone causes me to vomit and convulse. What are some dumb texts guys have sent you? And guys what texts to girls send that have you wishing your battery would die?

Think Like a Man (my review)....Don't read if you haven't seen the movie yet.

So I will start this off by saying God is such an amazing creator for giving us Michael Ealy. I mean seriously, he is just so damn fine, he makes watching even the worst movies (see Takers) enjoyable. I mean, just look at him...

Anyway, where was I going with this? Oh yes. Think Like a Man came out this past weekend and I went ahead and saw it and I thought I'd share my thoughts with y'all. You care.

My first thought when folks started asking me did I like the movie was this:
It was good. Just like you would expect a Black romantic comedy to go. Hilariously funny, thanks to Kevin Hart, but there were, of course, those corny moments when you thought, Niggas don't act/talk like that.

I laughed enough, and enjoyed the eye candy, but I really don't think the story line was all that great. It was one of those movies where it seemed like instead of developing a great plot, they decided to throw in extra characters and sub-plots.

There was the interracial couple who were shacking up. And the playa -who was by far the cheesiest and least believable character in the movie. I mean, he's not even attractive enough to be a "playa." But he somehow snagged Megan Good who just got done boning Chris Brown. I"m so not buying it.- And then there was the on and of drama between Kevin Hart and his ex wife, the mama's boy and the single mom and his mama, the unemployed negro and the independant woman and also a random married guy there to crack awkward jokes at awkward moments.

There was so much going on that they didn't have the time to perfect it which left the movie with shitty half endings that weren't realistic (see Why Did I Get Married Too) I mean the whole issue with the "mama's boy" being so easily solved. Now I've dealt with mama's boys and I've seen my girls dealing with them too. There is no such thing as giving a mama's boy an ultimatum and seeing him take immediate action nor is there such thing as a mama approving. That would not have happened. The world of a mama's boy is a very delicate one and most will never be in a successful relationship...ever.

I just hate watching relationship movies where they make it seem like every issue is so easily solved. Like there's steps you take and then boom everyone's happy. Every single person ended up happily involved with their boo at the end of this movie. That is NOT real life. And that makes it corny. Too much like movies about white people and their picket fences and 2.5 kids. I want to see some real life shit. It ain't always rosy over here.

So what did I like about the movie? Well for one Kevin Hart was absolutely hilarious. It was like watching him act out one of his stand up routines and I swear hearing his character argue with his ex wife was probably really how he talked to his ex wife in real life. He is my favorite comedian right now so it's hard not to love him.

Other big pluses...
I love Michael Ealy and Taraji together. That was all kinds of sexy. They have good on-camera chemistry. Imagining him as a man who can cook and put it down in the bedroom wasn't half bad either. Truthfully, if the whole movie was about their relationship with Kevin Hart offering comic relief, I would have liked it much better. And no, its not because I want to lick the sweat from Michael Ealy's navel, I just genuinely enjoyed his character. He seemed the realest to me.

I also liked the little cameos. I mean, this was the best...

And I won't complain about seeing Morris Chestnut looking all fugly and washed up either. Good times.

Anyway, that was my two cents. It was worth the $7.50. The eye candy was good, the jokes were hilarious, but I honestly idn't expect much more out of a movie based on a book written by Steve Harvey.



Side note: Did anyone else notice how odd the previews were? Usually they show previews for similar movies, but I guess since there aren't many Black romantic comedies coming out, they seemed to throw a whole but of random nonsense in there. How did we go from a Tyler Perry movie to Total Recall to Madagascar 3?

Interracial Dating

My Two Cents

Well I cannot say I'm not a little happy that Zimmerman has finally been charged with 2nd degree murder. I know it will bring some kind of peace to Trayvon's family. To have your son's life taken without any form of justice has got to hurt like hell.

However, I hope you all see this as what it truly is. A muzzle. They want us to feel like our marches and rallies really did something when in all actuality they just want us to shut up and go back to eating watermelon and drinking grape soda. They do not care whether or not Zimmerman goes to jail. They don't care whether or not a child has lost his life. They want us to feel like we have an impact on something, pat us on the head and send us on our way, once again blinded to the shit they do.

They treat us like children. Like puppets on a string. They predict our every move because the system they set up is so perfect, they know what we will react to, how and when we will stop caring. Zimmerman is simply a pawn. They could care less if he spent life in prison or moved to Brazil. They don't care about any of us. They just want to move on to the next and give us the false impression that they listen when we holler.

We're a joke to them. We're hollering Free Boosie and you think they really give a fuck about locking up Zimmerman. They know we ain't about shit and I know it too. If we really cared about justice and all that jazz, we'd know that a march or a protest won't help a damn thing. More people showed up to the Aries Party than the Rally for Trayvon. People spend more time spending money, flashing their material goods, and fighting over status than they do preparing their children for success, promoting knowledge and awareness and fighting for equality.

They don't need to end racism or provide us with justice, they just need to give us enough to get us to go about living like we always do. We have a short attention span. Just look what happened with Kony. And most people stopped talking about Trayvon last week. The arrest of Zimmerman just brought it back to our attention.

Don't be fooled folks. We didn't make this happen, our voices were not heard. Nobody was touched by images of people in hoodies. Nobody cared that Obama's son would look like Trayvon. They simply want to move on to the next thing. They have once again "atta boy"ed our community and chuckled. And we, once again, have allowed it to happen.

Something Like a Poem

It finally hit me
Images flash
My skin heats up
With just the thought of your touch
And something inside sinks
Knowing I won’t feel it again
No more intimate moments
No more minutes of simply sharing space and time
Your lips
Damn
No longer will they touch mine
Or graze my breast
My thigh
Will no longer feel the warmth of your body
Next to mine
On top of mine
The way your hair hung and tickled my bare skin
The way we connected without even touching
Gone
If only I knew
The last time
Was our last time
I would have made it last