Why Do You Care So Much???

My Thoughts on Racial Identity

Where do I even begin with this one?

I guess I’ll start with myself. I am a Black woman. I was raised by two Black parents and if anyone is to ask me my race, I will tell them I’m Black, every time. I am, however, mixed with many different other races. My maternal grandmother is a mix of many different European bloods and a drop of Native-American. Her husband was Black, Jamaican, and even a little Mongolian. My paternal grandmother is Black and Native-American. And my grandfather is Black, Native-American, and white. With all that said I’m obviously mixed. Most people assume that just looking at me. But first, foremost, last and always, I am a Black woman.

I think it’s crazy that I have to defend my Blackness in this society. Other Black people want to label me, call me mixed, say that I’m not Black, and I think that’s absolutely ridiculous. Why? Well I hope you don’t think your Black ass is pure. I don’t know if you all forgot about that long history of slavery, when they were raping African women and having babies and whatnot, not to mention the Native Americans who kept slaves or befriended and reproduced with them. Not that there is anything wrong with not being pure, but unless you can trace your entire lineage back to a hut in Africa, I’m going to need to take a seat near the rear of the class.

And even if you can prove that you’re pure, who the hell are you to tell someone whether or not they are Black? We can’t control who rapped who, who married who or any of that in our family tree. We just know who we are today. If we were walking around calling ourselves mixed or bi-racial then you’d act like we thought we were better than Black people. At least we’re proud of our heritage; the heritage that is usually the strongest branch on the tree. I love my Blackness more than anything and I’m not about to let any damn body tell me I’m not Black.

I find it funny that there’s always the talk that light-skinned people think they’re better or don’t have it as bad as darker people and that is sometimes true. However, the funny part is the people who think that, are usually the darker ones. I know I’ve never walked around thinking I was the shit because I was lighter or acted like my life should be easier because of my complexion. But I’ve had plenty of darker people tell me this. It’s far from true. Believe that.

I never try to separate myself from other Black people, dark or light. We are all the same. I mean, the beauty of Black people is that we come in so many different shades and colors. We are as diverse within our own race as humanity is as a whole. When I see a Black person, no matter their color, I acknowledge their Blackness. We are all equal. Besides, when other races look at us, they see us all as Black. During slavery (and still to this day at times), no matter your shade, you were still a nigger.

There is no escaping or controlling the racism we experience from other races. But the internalized oppression and self-hate that we inflict on one another is damaging beyond belief. Why would the white man have to waste time tearing us down when we do it ourselves?

I will leave you with this (I believe I’ve written this somewhere before) Black people are the most beautiful people in the world because no matter what you define as beautiful, there is a black person somewhere who will fit the description. From those with blonde, straight hair and blue eyes to those with thick curly hair and deep brown eyes, Black is beauty. Stop being so concerned with who qualifies and just embrace your brothers and sisters. Strength from within will help us stand and rise as a people.

Too Short Went Too Far

"You push her up against the wall," he [Too Short] continued. "You take your finger and put a little spit on it and you stick your finger in her underwear and you rub it on there and watch what happens."

That is an excerpt from an article written in response to a video by Too Short posted on XXL.com. The original video has been taken down, but the response article can be found here.

As you could guess, many folks are in an uproar about it. I know my twitter timeline is flooded with mentions of the rapper’s foul advice to young boys. This is all expected. This is what should be happening. We should be infuriated with this fool of a man for uttering such disgusting words, and angered with XXL.com for posting the video as well.

What bothers me is the “why are you so shocked” comments. Sure we know that Too Short has never made the cleanest music. In fact, he basically makes a living off of disrespecting women. However, I think there is a very well defined line between making foul music and advising young boy to practically force sexual acts on young girls. Even if there was a hint of consent in his suggestion, it would still be equally bad.

As an adult female, I choose whether or not I want to listen to his music and I usually don’t. The only time I listen is at the club and when I’m there, I’m not trying to win any “respectable lady of the year” awards. I also don’t go out and do what he tells me because, well I’m an adult with a bit of common sense. But for him to directly give young boys detailed instruction on how to finger a girl is completely out of line.

As a mother of both a son and a daughter I am appalled. My kids don’t listen to Too Short because I don’t play it around them, and if I continue to raise them right, if they do happen to listen to him in the future, I doubt they will be influenced by him. However, my issue is that they will encounter other children with weak minds and horrible upbringings that may take this kind of advice from this sick bastard. Lord knows I don’t want to go to jail for killing some little boy because he did to my daughter what Too Short told him to.

Goodness I’m ready to break someone’s neck just thinking about it.

The point I’m trying to make is yes, his music has always been bad and yes many of us still shake our asses to it. That does not take away from the fact that his latest show of sick foolery is worth being outraged about. I’m actually outraged at the people who aren’t disturbed by it. We have to be more concerned for our little girls. Or are we forgetting that 1 in 3 women are sexually assaulted at least once in their life. Its ideas like this that make that possible. Don’t accept it and don’t justify it by saying “you weren’t mad when you were bumping his music.” It still doesn’t make it ok.

How > Where: Some dating tips

“I could never date a guy I met at the club!” - The bougie girl war cry.

How often have we heard women utter this statement? How many of them also complain of being miserably single? Meeting your future husband at the club is a nightmare to these women, but what if they don’t meet their future husband anywhere?

Let me just clear the air right here and say I do not think meeting a man in the club is either good or bad. I mean, if you go to the club and meet a guy, great. If you don’t, ok. The whole thing is, it’s not about where you meet a guy, it’s how you meet him and what you plan on doing with him afterwards. You can meet Saint Francis at the cathedral, but if you’re throwing your p*ssy at him, he’s probably going to dog you.

A lot of these single women (myself included) are single not because of where they meet guys, but because of their process. Realistically if you’re looking for a life mate, meeting him at a place you enjoy going to is ideal. Whether it’s the club or church, obviously if you’re both there, you have something in common. That’s always a good start. So let’s squash that whole argument now and say meet a guy, anywhere you happen to be. The end.

Onto my next point. Say you meet a guy at [insert desired venue here]. If you immediately hop in bed with him, it’s over before it starts. He’s not going to respect you because you’re not respecting yourself. He may or may not even call you (depending on how good the sex is and how pressed he is for good sex.) And of course if he never calls or only calls for sex, you’re going to go on and on about how he’s a dog. How is that fair to him?

Said guy only did what you allowed him to do. He reacted to your actions and now you’re mad because of a decision that YOU made yourself. Because you wanted to screw him, he screwed you. Both literally and figuratively and you’re still single. That’s no one’s fault but your own.

Now let’s try a different approach.  Say you meet a guy at [insert desired venue here]. You exchange numbers, chat for a bit, go on a date or two, get to know each other and whatever else happens from there. Unless you really are a crazy psycho bitch, I doubt he’s going to “dog” you. Why? Because you gave him no chance to. We’re all happy.

Now, this is not to say that things will work out perfectly in the latter example. Lord knows what other factors can come into play and ruin whatever you have going on. However, I’m sure you’ll deal with less “dogs” if you’re not hopping into bed with every guy you meet. And sometimes, even when you try to handle things in a more respectable way, guys will still dog you. There are a few men that are just ass holes, but that’s why we pay attention to the red flags ladies.

Well, that’s all for today. Keep this in mind when you hit up the club tonight and tomorrow night and also when you go to church on Sunday. J