Monday, January 24, 2011

I'm Grown, You're Grown, Let's Do Stupid Sh*t Together

There is a large misconception that being grown means that you can do whatever you want. Sure it’s a true statement. “I’m grown; I can do what I want.” However, if that’s your definition of being grown, there’s no difference between you and a 12 year old.  Regardless of age, we all can do whatever we want. If a 12 year old wants to have sex, they can. If they want a car, they can go steal one (trust me I knew a 12 year old who was always joy-riding in stolen cars) If they want to smoke weed and get drunk, they can just go do it. We all have free will and aside from being held accountable by God, law enforcement, and our parents, we’ve been doing whatever we want all our lives. That’s not a right we gain in adulthood.

The mentality of “I’m grown I can do what I want” is the philosophy of those who are “acting grown.” You can be 9 or 49 and act grown. It’s not earned or obtained at any particular milestone. “Being grown” on the other hand is something totally different.

Those who are actually being grown instead of just acting grown know that we have always been able to do whatever it is that we want to do. However when you are truly grown and mature, you use discernment in what you do. You also have a great deal of respect for yourself and others.

As an example, I’ve been encountered by men who have dealt with my friends or relatives, or who’s friends or relatives I’ve dealt with. They pursue me and when I decline, they’re first response is, “We’re both grown. We can do what we want.” Now of course there is absolutely nothing to stop me from lying in bed with any man who asks me to, but being grown, I have enough respect for myself and the situation to say no.  At times my reasons are too much for the average horny male to comprehend. They’re so busy acting grown that all they care about is doing what they want.

Hell I want to take a trip to Paris this summer and when I get my tax return, I will have more than enough money to purchase the ticket. But as much as I want to go to Paris, I’m not because I have responsibilities and more important things to be concerned with, like my kids and my bills. We can all act grown and go through life haphazardly, not caring about the consequences of our action (Even if our actions effect no one but ourselves) But it is much better to actually be grown, use some common sense, show respect for self and others, and make wise decisions that we won’t regret later in life.

The Comfort Zone

I ran into a good friend of mine this morning and we got to talking, catching up and what not. He was telling me about a girl that he was interested in and the situation they were in. Living together as friends, hanging out, basically "playing house" and yet she says that she sees him as just a friend.  He can't understand that and thinks she must feel something more for him based on her actions with him and that brought to mind the idea of the "comfort zone."

As we all know, women are very "interesting" creatures. A lot of times our actions don't make much sense because they don't align with what we're saying and honestly sometimes we don't even understand it ourselves. I've seen situations like this before; I've even been in them. A girl will basically do all the relationship type stuff with a man, but say they're just friends and date (or be interested in) other guys at the same time. Why is that?

Well usually this guy is nice, sweet, respectful, generous, caring....the recipe for the perfect guy. So the woman feels comfortable with him. Almost like having a gay guy friend that you can have sex with. We've got it in our heads that if we meet a "nice guy" and we date him, then we're settling. It's one of those crazy paradoxes like "Raise your standards" but "Don't be a stuck up gold-digger." So we're told "don't settle" but then we're fools for passing up the "nice guys."

We end up with the idea that actually dating the "nice guy" would be settling. We can do better. We can find a nice guy who is rich or spontaneous or noble prize winner or an MMA fighter. Our relationship appetites are really insatiable. So we don't want to settle for this "nice guy" (who's actually great) so in the mean time, we get comfortable with him. Basically use him as a guinea pig by playing house and practicing all those crazy Kama sutra positions with him. All the while painfully reminding him that he's just our friend. Even pouring salt on the wound by seeking counsel about the other guy(s) we're dealing with.

**As I write this I realize that I’m describing one of the plots from "He's Just Not That Into You" if you haven't watched it, you should**

So anyway, women will take full advantage of men in these types of situations. Sometimes we're actually denying what we really feel in fear that the relationship would be perfect (I know that sounds crazy, but then again so are women) But a lot of the time we're just using the guy. Shocking, I know. But it's like a baby and its blanket or stuffed animal. It makes us feel safe. We can have sex with our "nice guy" and know that he won't burn us (literally and figuratively) We can share our deepest thoughts with him because he's kind and smart and will give us an unbiased opinion, even if it is about the ex con you brought home after the club who is now ignoring your phone calls.

My advice to the ladies; stop overlooking these guys. One you're tired of getting dogged, they will be the first ones you'll think to run to and there's no guarantee that they'll be waiting.

My advice to the men; stop dealing with women like that. You're so much better than all that. There’s a real woman out there more deserving of a man like you.