The Comfort Zone

I ran into a good friend of mine this morning and we got to talking, catching up and what not. He was telling me about a girl that he was interested in and the situation they were in. Living together as friends, hanging out, basically "playing house" and yet she says that she sees him as just a friend.  He can't understand that and thinks she must feel something more for him based on her actions with him and that brought to mind the idea of the "comfort zone."

As we all know, women are very "interesting" creatures. A lot of times our actions don't make much sense because they don't align with what we're saying and honestly sometimes we don't even understand it ourselves. I've seen situations like this before; I've even been in them. A girl will basically do all the relationship type stuff with a man, but say they're just friends and date (or be interested in) other guys at the same time. Why is that?

Well usually this guy is nice, sweet, respectful, generous, caring....the recipe for the perfect guy. So the woman feels comfortable with him. Almost like having a gay guy friend that you can have sex with. We've got it in our heads that if we meet a "nice guy" and we date him, then we're settling. It's one of those crazy paradoxes like "Raise your standards" but "Don't be a stuck up gold-digger." So we're told "don't settle" but then we're fools for passing up the "nice guys."

We end up with the idea that actually dating the "nice guy" would be settling. We can do better. We can find a nice guy who is rich or spontaneous or noble prize winner or an MMA fighter. Our relationship appetites are really insatiable. So we don't want to settle for this "nice guy" (who's actually great) so in the mean time, we get comfortable with him. Basically use him as a guinea pig by playing house and practicing all those crazy Kama sutra positions with him. All the while painfully reminding him that he's just our friend. Even pouring salt on the wound by seeking counsel about the other guy(s) we're dealing with.

**As I write this I realize that I’m describing one of the plots from "He's Just Not That Into You" if you haven't watched it, you should**

So anyway, women will take full advantage of men in these types of situations. Sometimes we're actually denying what we really feel in fear that the relationship would be perfect (I know that sounds crazy, but then again so are women) But a lot of the time we're just using the guy. Shocking, I know. But it's like a baby and its blanket or stuffed animal. It makes us feel safe. We can have sex with our "nice guy" and know that he won't burn us (literally and figuratively) We can share our deepest thoughts with him because he's kind and smart and will give us an unbiased opinion, even if it is about the ex con you brought home after the club who is now ignoring your phone calls.

My advice to the ladies; stop overlooking these guys. One you're tired of getting dogged, they will be the first ones you'll think to run to and there's no guarantee that they'll be waiting.

My advice to the men; stop dealing with women like that. You're so much better than all that. There’s a real woman out there more deserving of a man like you.