Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Everything Happens For a Reason

God places people in our lives for a purpose, whether we realize it or not. When it comes to relationships, we get so upset when things go wrong. Why did he leave? Why couldn't we be together? Why, why, why? And it usually take quite some time until we see the big picture.

Lately I've been evaluating the men who have come in and out of my life and I see it was all a part of God's plan. The men I've dealt with in the past six months or so have all served a purpose in me finding my purpose. I am a new me and I and very thankful for that.

I had been seeing a guy for a few months. Really like him, but no matter how much I cared for him, wanted to be with him, I couldn't because he already had a girl. Stupidly I kept playing the role, tried my best to win him over for far too long and one day I finally broke. I realized that I deserved so much more. His purpose in my life was to open my eyes to the fact that I sell myself short, a lot. Not just in relationships, but life in general. I settled way too much and I can't do that anymore.

The next guy I was semi-involved with is really a great guy. We had ridiculous conversations about any and everything. Did everything from laugh to cry together. He'd come over and we'd sit and talk for hours on end. There wasn't much negative about our interaction, but he too served a purpose. He made me realize that it is okay to just be myself. No matter how weird I think I am, simply being me is a good look. I felt so comfortable and I found out that people actually like my little quirky ways.

There were also a few guys here and there that taught me that chivalry is NOT dead. True gentlemen do exist. And no matter how many terrible things a woman has done in her past, she still deserves to be treated like a lady.

Now, the last guy probably had the biggest impact and really made everything click. I don't think I had ever met a man that I wanted so bad. He had absolutely everything I looked for in a man, but I was lacking. I figured if he was ever going to want me as much as I wanted him, I needed to step my game up. That's when I started Extreme Makeover: Soul Edition. Little by little I got rid of Satan's hold on my life. I grew closer to God and in doing so, everything else in my life is falling into place. I may never get the chance to be his girl, but I am forever grateful for his presence in my life. I would not be the same.

Once again, I know this is another one of my personal blogs, but I shared this to show that everything happens for a reason. We get so burdened with hurt and disappointment that we fail to see that even the worst things in life can bring us something positive, i.e. WISDOM. So I want to end this with one of my favorite quotes.
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

Monday, February 22, 2010


I am a writer.  I write about more than the average person.  I use examples when I write.  The best example is self experience.  I apologize if it bothers some people that what I write is personal.  Get over it.  "Keep in mind that I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit!"

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Never Forget

In honor of Black History Month, I had to dedicate at least one blog to my people.  I just think that people tend to forget what our ancestors dealt with and fought for.  It was not merely evil glares at corner stores.  It was not merely having to work 10 times as hard as our white counterparts to make half as much.  They were MURDERED, RAPED, KIDNAPPED, stripped of all they knew.  Our people had to live in fear.  Had to fight everyday.  We take so much for granted.  Complain about the little bits of injustice we deal with and are too lazy to stand up and continue the fight that greats like Harriet Tubman, Nat Turner, and Dr. King fought so long ago.
Take a look at these images.

The evidence of the suffering endured by slaves.

A handsome 14 year old boy beaten literally to a bloody pulp.

Four little angles who's bodies were blown up and burned in a church!

Young people being hosed down like dogs.

Men, someone's daddy, son, brother, husband, being hung from a tree as the white folks stand there watching, laughing.

We gave up, we gave in.  We need to remember and continue that fight.  Our people are still suffering today.  And we need to know the strength that is our people.  Know where you come from.  We are Black America, not Barbies and Martians.

I wish I could be more articulate and say more, but a picture is worth 1,000 words.

Opposites Attract???????

Random thought popped into my head and I decided to write it out.

Do opposites really attract? And if they do, are those the relationship that last? Why or why not?

My opinion......

I feel that to a certain extent opposites do indeed attract. That whole "you are everything I am not" concept can hold very true. But I feel you have to look further into it. Let me give you an example. I am a passive indecisive person. Therefore I am attracted to assertive men. Two indecisive people won't get far. Sitting on the couch every day shrugging your shoulders, trying to figure out what movie to watch can actually DESTROY a relationship. But if one person can step up and make suggestions and the other can go-with-the-flow, it's almost a perfect symbiotic connection.

On the flip side, sometimes opposition is no bueno. Another example; I am a very odd woman. I have an extremely diverse background. I grew up in the hood and in the suburbs, so my likes and dislikes are on a very wide spectrum. If I date a hood boy, at some point our interaction will be limited. We can listen to Young Money and Jay-Z for a while and enjoy it together, but when I turn on my Maroon 5 or Duffy, he's going to shy away. That is a very small example, but apply that across the board and understand where I'm coming from. I would need someone with similar interests or at least someone who could truly understand my eclectic taste in life.

I guess it's not really about opposites or similarities, but more so about supplemental personalities. If someone's positives fill your negatives, you laugh at the same movies, complain about the same bs in life, and share at least 60% of your playlists......you might have something good going. But then again this is only MY opinion. And my opinion is only derived form what I experience and see. Maybe there are folks out there with the exact same personality type who grew up in total opposition to each other that are so madly in love that you can throw everything I just said out the window. :-) That's the beauty of the world.


Bare with me, I'm having a "Sharde" moment. :-/

So I was watching a bunch of sappy BS tonight and I came to an odd realization about myself. I don't cry during the sad heartbreaking moments. I do however, cry during the displays of undying true love.

Take this for an example. I was watching the last episode of The Game (aka every woman's favorite show) I was completely unmoved when Jason left Kelly dumbfounded and walked off with another woman by his side. But when Derwin and Melanie finally exchanged wedding vows, I sobbed like a baby.

As I reached for a tissue to dry my eyes and blow my nose I evaluated my abnormal reaction. I didn't cry over heartbreak, no biggie some people don't cry over TV/movies at all. But me, I cry every time I watch Armageddon and yet I had absolutely no emotional reaction to a woman being left by her husband. And I've noticed that I've kind of become immune to heart ache. I hear terrible stories about people getting cheated on or couples getting divorced and I just shrug my shoulders as if to say "C'est la vie!" I just expect things to go wrong because of what I see in my life and almost everybody around me.

And the boo hoo tears over wedding vows. Now that wouldn't be such a big deal if they were tears of joy stemmed from the beauty of love and blah blah blah. But I was actually sad...like really sad. I guess I'm coming to realize that true love is such a foreign concept to this crazy little "world of sharde."
I've never experienced true love. Sure I've loved a man or two, truly. But the love was never reciprocated. And yes I believe that one man truly loved me before, but in that case I was the one who didn't return the love.

So here I am. A 24 year old emotional mess who cries at all the wrong things and is desperately wondering if I'll ever find true love. I fear I'll just end up in another heart break scenario simply because that's all I'm used to. Well ho hum. I just had to vent write it out. Call it an overshare if you want, but that's how I roll. And when I write maybe someone out there is feeling the same way as me. :-)
Thanks for spending another random night in my bizarre little head. Good night folks.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

How to spot a playa

Sometimes it's hard for us to tell when some thing's wrong in a relationship. Everyone's red flag detector is not always fine tuned. Sometimes love and infatuation block the signal. I, unfortunately, have too much experience with red flags. Finding out my man is cheating, finding out the guy I'm seeing already has a girl/wife. So I thought I'd share my "expertise" with others. So here are some classic red flags that should send you running.

1. Vibrating phone. Every time you two are together, his phone is on vibrate. Beware, don't think it's because he doesn't want anything to interrupt what you're doing. He just doesn't want you to hear his ring tone or pay attention to how many times the phone actually goes off.

2. Camera shy. Do you have any pictures with your man? Actual pictures that he posed for and fully exposed his face. The candid, caught off guard flicks don't count. neither do the ones with his hood/hat covering half his face. He's not shy, he just doesn't want the pic to end up on Facebook where people can see it.

3. Designated meet/talk time. Ok now, if you guys talk on the phone at specific times of the day. He calls you every day on his lunch break or on his drive home and always gets too tired once he gets home. Or he only comes over after 10pm or maybe noon. Don't be fooled to think that day visits mean he's true. That just might be when his girlfriend/wife is at work. Trust me with this one. Try this if you don't believe me. Ask him to call or come over outside of the usually meet/talk time....listen for that hesitation and slight panic in his voice. Sure he'll come up with a very reasonable excuse, but he'll freak out for 2.5 seconds.

4. Illusive left hand. Crazy as it sound check it out. Is his left hand always in hi pocket, in his lap, or under his right hand? Please check to see if a tan line or an indentation is on that ring finger. I caught one guy as he was signing the check for dinner (he was left handed) He had a vicious tan line. SMH

5. Anti-social. You know the type that just never wants to go to social gatherings. Won't even go to the club to celebrate your recent promotion. Hesitates to go out for your sister's b-day even though he knows her well. There are actually some people who don't go out much, but if you can NEVER get him out the house, you gotta think he's hiding something.

6. Absolutely no P.D.A. You're walking down the street, you reach for his hand, he snatches it away. Or you give him a hug and he returns it with a "church hug" and quickly looks around to see who saw that. You better believe you're not the only one. I'm not saying a man should love to have you hanging all over him all the time, but if you can't even get a hug in public....RED FLAG

7. Surprise relatives. So you've known the guy for a while, you're in the middle of a good convo....all of a sudden he hops off the phone because his cousin Pookie is calling. You've never heard of Pookie. Or you he cancels your plans because Aunt Tami is coming to town this weekend. You thought his mom was an only child. Maybe he doesn't want to talk because his Grandma died (even though you thought she died when he was 12.) If it doesn't add up...it doesn't add up. Simple

8. Never-ending story changes. This one is easy. When you met he was a grad student with a 6 year old daughter. 6 months later you find out he doesn't even have a GED and just had a son with his ex wife. 3 months after that you find out the divorce won't be final for 2 more months. This has happened to me before...I swear to you men are trifling...lol

I wish I had two more to make it an even ten, but if you can nod your head to even two on the list, you need to run screaming. And even if I didn't add it to the list...anything that leaves you with a "What the fuck!" look on your face or makes your heart get caught in your throat....that should send you packing. like I said in my last blog, we ignore red flags way too much. They aren't just potential problems. That's God's way of getting to us and begging us to leave. Avoid heart ache people!!!

Disclaimer: I say "he" and "his" because I am a woman and I deal with men. However, the same thing applies to women. We are just as sneaky and trifling and to make it worse, we're better at hiding it. Sorry fellas.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Ode to Valentine's Day

Oh Valentine's Day
How I loathe thee
Red hearts
Cards and candies
I say
Fuck that
Yup, fuck it
Why waste my time
Ain't all that
The hell am I celebratin for
Love to me?
Heart ache
Oh joy
What a crock
For the birds
The pretenders
The Joneses and such
Now that's out my system

Will you be my Valentine?

Monday, February 8, 2010

True Colors

When a man shows you their true colors you must take them at face value. there is no hidden explanation. "Maybe he's just scared" or "He's just trying to drive me away because he's hurt." Blah blah blah. Stop making excuses for trifling men. If he's unfaithful...he's unfaithful. Nothing more too it. If he hits you....he's going to hit you. If he's a lying...he's going to lie.
We spend so much time trying to rationalize and hold on to the men in our lives that we get ourselves stuck in painful situations. And then when they deliver the final most painful blow, we get all hurt and upset and "he's a dog" and "I can't believe he did that." Snap out of it ladies. You already knew this. He showed you and you chose to ignore it.
This Sanford chick. Married the politician, and he changed the vows. She knew about it. He didn't want the whole fidelity part to be in the vows. She valued his honesty. Hahahahahaha. You dumb bitch! He told you from jump that he didn't want to be faithful. Yeah honesty is important, but fidelity might be important too. And then he lets the whole world know that he cheated on her dumb ass and now she's mad. You idiot, you gave him permission to see his mistress. Women like you make me vomit.
Mommas always tell us that if we see a red flag we need to take note. But sometime men not only flash a red flag, they show us the cum stains on the damn flag. Let's be smart ladies. If we have the chance to not be hurt, don't be hurt. DUH.